I've been super angry at the world lately and I'm not entirely out of loop on why but the reasons are irrelevant. It's not a productive attitude. Gina dying didn't help and family members that I used to be close to treating me differently doesn't help either but the problem is me. I can't put my lack of happiness on others anymore. I'm seven and some months away from being 21, a full-fledged adult. Yesterday a man came by the house and I had to sign a paper and give him a check. He flirted and kind of hit on me. I didn't notice his intentions until way into the conversation. I seclude myself from the world so much that I don't even know what it feels like to be attractive to a guy. I think that guy thought that I was just really shy. I hope I didn't make a fool of myself. School starts in nine days. I'm super excited to go home. And yes, my little dorm room is my home. I'm really looking forward to seeing this guy that I've had a crush on since junior high. He's a year older and is one of those guitar playing cool people. He has a younger brother my age who is the biggest jerk on the planet its hard to believe they are related but anyway we've never talked even though we've been around each other pretty regularly for about eight years. I just make myself transparent when I'm uncomfortable and he definitly makes me uncomfortable but in a good way. It's fantastic to feel your heart race when this totally fantastically wonderful guy walks by and maybe you make eye contact and maybe you don't either way it's great. This year I will be more bold where men are concerned. Up to this point I have been pretty unassuming. But say goodbye to Stay-Away-Val. Okay this entry sucks. Stop reading. I mean it. Right now, stop.