I just got back from Jenn's wedding. It was surreal. I've always thought of her as my kid sister. Now she's a wife. The wedding couldn't have been more beautiful. Neither could Jenn. She was a stunning bride. Nothing horribly embarrassing happened during the ceremony (thank God). Tomorrow is Mother's Day but since I don't have one it's just another day. Yesterday Jenn gave her mom her gifts and I got flaming mad. Like unrationally full of rage like I sometimes get. Then logically I thought it out. Why am I mad? Jenn loves her mom. Its great. Who cares. But obviously I was upset because I don't have a mom and my life has totally gone to shit. Most people can't pinpoint the day that their life changed. I can: January 6, 2003. The whole time my uncle (who I've had serious problems with since my mom died) was staring at me. It was clear that the smile plastered on my face was fake. Horrible. I went to the bathroom and threw up. Sometimes I can't keep all the bile inside. I wanted Jenn's day to fill me to the brim with happiness and hope for love but the fact that I'm alone clouded it. I have no real friends (none I can count on, none that I share with, none that love me unconditionally). I basically don't have parents (my dad never was big on the whole Val thing). I have no one who loves me romantically. And I can't blame anyone. It's me. I make myself unapproachable. It's me. Madness.