My Saturday and Sunday were so freakin great. I felt better than I have in forever. Jhonna, Nick, and I just hung out and had a fantastic time. Wonderful. I don't really have anything else to say. It seems like I'm never inspired to write unless I'm down. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here's a repost from one of my other diaries (Vval): Everything in Threes/September 5, 2004 Listening to: The TV in the Other Room - Feeling: reflective His name has three letters in it. That's what started this cycle for me. Threes in everything. And this makes the third time I'm crushing on him and the third time I don't have the nerve to admit it to anyone, even my so-called best friends. And the third time my dad has dated his aunt and the third time he's offered alcohol and I've refused. I guess he thinks that one time I'll say yes and we'll actually have something to talk about. It's like dead silence between us. Dead air. He works on cars for a living and I'm in college and he smokes and drinks and parties too much and I've never even sipped wine and all this adds up to nothing except that we will never be compatable. At least not in his eyes. And even I can admit that it would never work because what would we have to do besides constantly make out and have sex? Nothing. We have nothing in common. And while making out and sex would be wonderful, they aren't worth anything really. And he has eyes that mean something to me. When I picture my perfect life, he is the one I'm sharing it with. Kids? I want them with him. And this isn't a normal crush. We grew up together. He's seen me at my worst and best and everything inbetween. He tried to teach me how to skateboard and rollerblade. We used to spin in circles together and roll around on the ground and laugh. I know that he would be there for me if I needed him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I am no longer in love with this person. I feel so free. He has made it so I will never consider him anything other than a bastard. And I'm happy that it wasn't a choice I had to make. He had an unnatural hold on me. Now I'm just neutral. Not even mad that he is not what I thought he was. I guess I'll miss him in my thoughts though. The first fifty poems I wrote were about him. They sucked. :-) So, goodbye my three-letter love. 3:11 am I am awake again. Two weeks in a row of it. I'm tired. Friday night I watched the Pacific Life Open (tennis) until 3 am. Ever since the Olympics I've been obsessed with sports. Annoying? Yes. Time consuming? Yes. Eh. I'm fasting tomorrow. On the way home from school in the fourth grade my next door neighbor ate a caterpillar and washed it down with a Pepsi. For some reason this has been in my thoughts lately. He lived with his grandparents and his bed time was 7 pm. Later on that year a wolf escaped from a zoo and I saw it in the woods near our house. They never caught it. My house always smelt like honeysuckle and we had one of those gigantic satelite dishes that picked up channels from Mexico and FX before it got all corporate (it used to show reruns of Wonderwoman). That was the year my parents divorced and I found a lasting animosity for my dad. And the year I started to suspect that my perfect life was just a sham. 5:17 am Awake. 6:12 am Still awake. Tried to watch Star Wars: Episode II but it kept sticking every few seconds. Aaaaaaa 7:21 am Eh. 8:01 am Going to take a shower now, get ready for the day. Hours of sleep: A BIG FAT ZERO.