For now...my journal is going to be about how i'm feeling w/o my b/f who i love more than anything. today i went to his house and he said that in 40 days he'll write me...and see where things are with us. maybe then we'll build a friendship from that or go back to not talking for a while until we could handle a friendship. right now...i'm thinking i can't do that. i haven't been away from him for that long...EVER. i'm just stupid and a liar and a cheater and don't deserve him right now...but i really want him. i guess you dont' realize what you have until its gone. and omg i'm such an idiot! who knows what could happen in 40 days...he could be with Laura...(this girl i hate more than anything who he's become great friends with) i just want him to be with me or i want God to take the pain away fast! i've never felt so alone in my life. i don't know why its so hard just to tell the truth. i've been lied to my whole life and its all i know. my dad lied to me when i was 4 years old about my dog dying, he lied to me about why him and my mom were getting a divorce, he kept it from me that my grandmother had died until the funeral...big stuff that's happened in my life have been lied about or kept from me. well hopefully as the days pass i'll get stronger and stronger and deal with it...and be a better person and we'll be able to be friends and eventually together again. i'm going to miss him. i don't even know if its going to last the 40 days...well..we will see...so long for now. *muah* Laces