For some reason...for about the past month I've been depressed. I don't know why. I think my boss wants me to quit b/c she and the rest of the dept. think that I'm not happy there...but what do they know about me they don't even talk to me half the time. I mean yes I do wish i didn't have to get up at 6:45 in the morning to go to work and deal with some of the drama that goes on there. I don't want to be there and just sit. I try to be productive but that's wrong. They never put in positive...its always negative. I just started doing hands on experience there...and my boss told me that I could've taken initiative and told them to back off and that I could handle it...but i'm not rude like that. and they said i needed 3 weeks of following someone around. Well i'm not a observational learner...i have to do things for myself so i can learn it. I don't know what i'm going to do. I might give it the rest of the week and make a decision. My mom will be pissed that I gave up this oportunity but...it is my life and if i'm not happy where i am...something's got to change...right? So another reason that i'm probably depressed is that i've felt this huge hole in my life for quite some time...i guess i'm just bored out of my mind and it hurts me that my "friends" dont' want to spend any time with me. i'm not talking about mallory or emily. They do the best they can to spend time with me. I've been missing josh and stephen and some other people that love hanging out with me and talking on the phone with me. They seem too busy for me now. and it sucks. I also hate rejection. And no matter how hard I try to make a friendship between me and daric work...he won't let it happen. I try to talk to him in person and he never wants to talk to me. Half the time its not even about him or me...its about shit that's going on in my life. That I want another opinion on besides the usual 2. What kind of friend is that? I know he's busy but he makes time for everyone else. why not me? its like he doesn't want to and that hurts a lot b/c he's told me he cares about me and he'll be there for me but...when the time comes to be there for me...he's not. he has other things to do. *sigh* Lacy *I need to get rid of necessary evils but that's going to take a miracle*