I'm not a happy person at the time being. I feel like throwing a HUGE temper tantrum like I did when I was 2. Just throw random shit around my room at the wall and break stuff. Childish I know. But! I can honestly say...I haven't been happy in a LOOOOONG time. I think the downward spiral started at the beginning of this year. Whatever happened with me and Alex REALLY screwed me over. And the fact that the person that wanted me soooo bad when I was dating Alex...now acts like I'm no big deal really hurts my feelings. Maybe it was just the chase that excited him so much and now that he's gotten me...I'm not that thrilling to him. My emotions have been on a really big roller coaster this whole year...and its not even over yet. Its frustrating not being happy...actually its down right depressing at times. My freshman year of college and summer didn't turn out quite like I had planned. So many unexpected things happened and I'm determined from now on to do what makes me happy. To get what makes me happy and (as jeremy would say) FUG IT...if it or you don't make me happy. And I'm sorry if I lose or hurt people in the process. I NEED TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. I don't like myself being like this. I'm tired of making everyone around me happy and not myself. I'm tired of doing things for other people to make them happy, especially when I don't get anything in return...ok maybe a Thank You or I appreciate it, but that only goes so far! Another factor. Don't get me wrong I'm happy that my friends finally have guys that are great and wonderful to them, but...honestly one of you is being a hypocrit and the other...I don't think things have been the same since I said shit to you know who about you know what. I don't know what else to do. I'm done. Lacy ((Life needs a rewind button))