I don't want to write a long emotional entry of how I feel so alone right now and how I feel left out of everything. But oh well...I've been fighting it but that's the only way to deal I guess. So ever since Daric and I broke up I've felt like I wasn't being included in anything that my friends were doing. It's like they only wanted me around b/c I was with him. And it hurts. And I know he doesn't want to be around me especially when he's trying to get with other girls. And that would def. hurt my feelings. And I hate that he told me he wasn't going to date or get in a relationship...went on two this weekend. It sucks that he can move on so fast and I'm still sitting here hoping and wishing that he'll come back to me. We were good together...we knew it and so did everyone we were around. I don't see what's wrong with me that no one can keep a relationship with me longer than a couple of months. There's always something else...They want to be single, there's another girl, they cheat on me, or they're abusive. And Daric says he'll be there for me. I find it hard to believe. Plenty of other guys have said that to me and gotten someone else and forgotten our friendship. And its like I have to be scheduled around a lot of things in everyone's life right now. I feel like a burden. I don't want to be left out. I've tried moving on...hanging out with other guys and emily but something happens and they loose interest or they want something TOTALLY different than I do and I just don't know! I hate feeling like this. I hate that guys are part of the problem here. I just want someone I can talk to and cry to about how much they hurt me. My pillow has been the only one to see the pain. I don't show my deepest emotions to anyone. Not even my best friends. I guess I learned that from my mom that its not OK to show or tell people how you feel but it sucks to have it all bottled up inside. I just want to explode with anger and disgust and sadness. Why can't I for once call the shots...of a relationship? Why can't I be happy? I was happy for 2 months and then now I'm back to feeling the way I do right now. I don't think I deserve all this. No one has ANY clue what this feels like. And I'm not just talking about Daric here...yeah he broke up with me and it completely SUCKS but none of my friends know the hurt and pain men have caused me. So I'm pouring out my feelings and probably going to get some comments about how people are always here for me and yada yada. Well prove it. Answer the phone when I need to talk. Come talk to me...in person. Just hug me and let me cry. If you're going to be there for me...that is what I need... I think I'm done. Lacy *Phil and Jeremy...thanks for everything*