I was so lame a year ago. I'm just saying. I know, it's weird for me to writing in here so soon again, but I figured I should. I haven't kept up with this like I should. Basically, I have been inside a little shell this whole semester. Chris and Kayleigh's relationship was picking up so well, I didn't want to intrude on it. I was never honest about it, which kind of hurt Kayleigh's feelings. I understand that, but I felt like if I had been honest, that would have upset her, too. So I guess I just chose the easier option. So, through January and February, I mostly kept to myself, sitting in my room, visiting the nurses for our weekly TV shows, hanging out with LKB, and mostly avoiding other people. I didn't like myself. I don't know why that was. But for a while there, I didn't like myself. My grades slipped because I spent a lot of time sleeping. I missed a few classes. I've spent the month of March picking up that slack. I regret it more than I can explain, but I'm working as hard as possible. But now, it's April. March was good. It contained my birthday and a few pleasant surprises, plus the first day of spring. It's been warm enough to wear shorts and flipflops, and that makes me really happy. I like spring. My nose gets all stuffy and I get drainage but I like spring. I just can't believe that this time last year, I was looking forward to a chorus trip and finishing up my senior year of high school. Now, I'm a freshman in college and starting over. I guess that's what I did when I came to college. I started over, and I realized I didn't do it quite right, and now I'm fixing it. I said this a long time ago in another journal I keep, that I pay more attention to. I keep my private thoughts there; "Someone tells you that they think you're the strongest person they know. But are you? Maybe you are. You've done things you aren't proud of. You don't like yourself so much at the moment. You feel alone. Defeated. Useless. But then one day you decide to pay attention to the Biology lecture on mitosis and you realize if you can pay attention to that, you can fix the broken things in your life. Ignore temptations. Pray. Study. One day at a time, one piece at time, you can glue your broken and shattered life back together. It's time to start fixing things." I wrote that entry nearly a little over a month ago. And I am well on that path. And it is wonderful.