I hate this place. My boyfriend wont allow me to call him, or him call me, Apparently he doesnt trust me enough, when he even asked me to marry him, Everyone in school Finally figured Im gay..(slow ass rejects)..so they have to rub it in my face Asking if Im a girl or guy. Calling me A Fucking faggot, or wanting to beat me up. My whole body hurts, Ive been crying nightly..Falling asleep finally around three in the morning, My head's been hurting, I havent been eating... My throat's sore, and I just want to go back to cutting ( I dont even fucking care about what people do about it..they dont like it..Fuck off...Im in too deep to care )..My Ex is trying to get back into my life Or "attempting"..Making me feel alot worse because of this Fucking me, Taking my virginity and Dumping me act...I am failing all my classes, my mother keeps yelling at me, she know's Im bi polar, so why shove it into my face?...My friend Symone wanted me to meet her friend Erik, I asked if I could today, She called and they said no....but later they finally said yes and that made me feel worse because I was really looking forward to doing Somthing today, Now she wants me to go to the mall with her friday, I said I would if Erik was going, but she said he didnt really like mall's much, and I think that's just an excuse as in "he wouldnt want to meet me"..Figures...I mean seriously...Im not near to Perfection, I dont give a fuck about all the crap people give me about me being Hot..Thats a lie, If I was hot I wouldnt sit here Being a fucking Drama Queen right now. My friend "Lunchbox"...she wants me to move in with here..whereever the hell she lives..I keep asking when I can get that ride to go up to where she lives.. Her friend Justin is going up this weekend, but doesnt have any room for me, so I am having to wait till Either Thanksgiving or Christmas to finally leave here.. and Im tired of it. Seriously... If You care about me..Just let me do what I do...Because I hurt too much right now....Ive even questioned who I am because I look in my room, so random..Look at my clothing..Guy's clothing, Girl's clothing..I get so confused on what is happening to me..I start to shake, I get dizzy, I need Iron pills for I am a vegitarian and it doesnt help when I start breathing deeply from confusion..Its all just making me want to Die....and Im edging torwards it to..No one is making it any easier on me..If I do somthing stupid..they yell at me..Not help me...and it fucking pissed me off...Im going, Talk to you. Never. Bie -Matt