So what if Im overly jealous So What if I just want to be someone's everything.. its not bad.. is it?.. its not bad that everytime I see them noticing someone else, to want to break down and cry.. is it?.. Its not bad to Envy the person they hold, the person they Notice more than anyone, talk to them, love them, and cherish them.. is it?.. I just want to be noticed.. ------------------- I told blake I was going to tell everyone I was with him... so they would leave me alone.. and I could be hurt in peice.. I dont know if we're literally together, dont think so, cause I was basically "Im telling everyone we're together so people leave me alone, Even if its true or not".. "Okay, why wont people leave you alone?" that was basically that. so Im officially with blake, Which is a lie. but Im using it. He kept saying "Love you".. doesnt mean anything.. He misses me, I know he does, but he's twenty one.. he could get anyone he wanted.. and he over works, he constantly over works, which isnt healthy.. cause I dont want him hurting himself. Ive told him this many times.. I still care about him though.. even if we arent/are together. .. I was talking to someone online and just remembered in four months, Im seventeen.. Its weird.. cause I dont even feel sixteen yet, and soon, I'll be seventeen.. Its going by so fast.. really really fast.. watch, I'll die at 100, and feel 50.. that'll be awkward.. .. well yeah.. nothing to do today.. Nothing really to do tomorrow except everyones laundry.. Whats fucked up is I'll be stuck in the house tomorrow, cause there's a Huge ass FSU game going on, and its blocking my road, so I cant go anywhere. and I'll be home all day doing nothing... I may just go to Keiras house.. so Im less bored.. ... Kaylas Lil brother died.. I feel so bad.. cause already her older brother died.. and one of her parents died, and now her little brother.. It made me so sad, she of all people dont deserve this, ever.. Ever. I miss her, I want to give her a big hug, but now she lives so far away :(.. the funeral is sometime this week.. and I cant even go to help her out.. This is fucked up.. ----- Jeremy and tom have been all lovey dovey all day, and its been depressing me.. everytime i see it, I just think over and over again "let me die, let me die, let me die".. and that sharp familiar pain in my chest and stomache comes back.. Well yeah.. thats basically it for today.. I'll have more for you tomorrow. -Matti