Okay, so Ive been at my moms house for a full day. Its boring here. seriously, Ive had nothing to do and from What jeremy says Im "grounded" Which is Really stupid Because I asked mom if I could go to Matts even thoug he said no. Which is also stupid.. I Cleaned my room up, Did the Dishes, and studied All So I could go to Matts and he said no because he wants to be fucking controlling. Then he wont get off my case on how All I do is sit online telling my friends how horrible he is. Of Course I talk about how horrible he is, Nothings never good enough for him. He always complains and always makes it seem like Im an asshole, When All I want is to be Left ALONE!. He walks in the other day complaining about Somthing or another and wont go away. and Im sitting there at the computer. Staring at him cause I never look at him when he yells at me. And he's talking about how Im so quick to answer and Having short answers. Thats because I dont like bugging anyone and like being left alone. its fucked up how he treats me, and how I apparently treat them Like shit. Jeremy: You want somthing to eat? Matti: Im not hungry. Jeremy: Fine. I Just say Im not hungry, and he gets mad at me cause Im NEVER hungry. Im a teen..and Im Miserable.. I dont want to be around anyone.. He claims he knows me.. He judges me completely. No wonder I dont open up to him, If he was more understanding and Less Demotion then Maybe I would.. Since that night I havent been able to speak to him at all. I even told Tom about it, Cause I tried Opening up to tom. and then Tom came in right after jeremy saying "IF You werent so Rude to Us for the last few days then Maybe We would of Even thought about letting you go".. it doesnt seem that bad now.. But the way he said it. was really really cruel. And I even Opened up to him more then jeremy. I think more then jerrid.. and he still said that. I gave up attempting to be appart of that household. When Lexis Mom gets her house Up and ready. Im moving in, no matter what. Illegal or not. Dominic got mad at me because I asked about Kelly.. and it was an honest question.. so I left him alone and he signed off. Im gonna leave his christmas present after christmas, I told him I'd Just drop it off. He said fine and that was really all. apparently he's been doing so much better.. which makes me feel so much shitter to know I havent been at all. and Im still crying from it.. still.. I fucking hate myself sometimes.. Joeys been making me feel a little better sometimes. I really miss being able to talk to him.. yet he doesnt respond as much as He should.. *glares*.. Im not getting my hopes up for him though. he has a girlfriend.. and an Ex he's still in love with. who's also a girl. bisexuals suck ass. I still care alot about him though..I mean alot.. and all Ive been trying to do lately is get ahold of him. gawd thats hard.. I dunno.. I Really dont want my hopes up for anything.. The Little hopes that are left need to attempt to recover.. or die off with the rest of me. -Matti ------------------------------------ he doesnt care.. he doesnt care.. He Doesnt Care.. HE DOESNT CARE!!!!!!!! WHY DOESNT HE FUCKING CARE!!!!... why doesnt he fucking care.. IF YOU LOVED ME SO MUCH HOW IS IT SO FUCKING EASY FOR YOU TO FLIRT WITH ALL THE GUYS THIS GUY IN PENSILVANIA.. ALL THE GUYS EVERYWHERE... ALL THE FUCKING GIRLS... why... YOU CLAIMED YOU FUCKING LOVED ME YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME YOU SAID IT WOULD BE HARD FOR YOU TO GET OVER ME YOU SAID YOU DIDNT WANT ME OVER YOU! WHY DO YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME... WHY DONT YOU FUCKING CARE..... I loved you... why dont you fucking care..