so I wrote blake a letter and set it in his Myspace Inbox.. I hope he accepts.. It Reads "Okay.. well Ive been thinking, I Really really Want to be with you badly. I mean Really bad. Cant get you out of my mind bad. And lately (It Most Likely is just me).. You seem to avoid me.. but Im pessemistic like that. so I wouldnt know if it was true or not. I'd Like to literally call this a relationship. Literally be able to call you my own. so Im asking. if You will be. I Mean, If You have HIV, I Dont care.. all I do care about really is You. Your always on my mind, I Tell All my friends about you.. Im happy to be able to show you off. Seriously. I just wanna know that Im not doing this for nothing... Well, Hopefully you'll write back. -Matti" Good Enough?.. I Hope.. I really really Like him..alot The HIV thing- He's Freaked because his ex played a joke and said he had it, so Blakes been freaking and He's wanting to get tested. he Cried when he was told his ex had it.. Literally, I called him, and his voice was hoarse.. I felt so bad.. I wanted to hold him.. make him feel better.. he's never out of my mind, not a single minute do I go without thinking about him.... From What My Computer says, its June thirtieth... Wish I could give my little brother a happy birthday, but no, instead he has therapy, I'll say it.. probably draw him somthing later that I know he'll Like.. I dont hate him as much as I used to when I lived with him, we actually get along alot better when we're away. Odd.. The Puppies wont stop playing, Pissing me off, I want them to shut up, Im wanting to Listen to this damn CD... Ima bout to throw a Starbucks Mascot at them..(Inside Joke).. My necks sore..Ive been sick all day, Literally, The Pain is just starting to kick back in, See.. I woke up around lunch time since Ive had insomnia for the past few days.. and I woke up with a headache, back ache, everything ache. Just full out sick... Didnt even wear shoes to my therapist Appointment, Didnt care..Too tired, too sick.. Kevin (My therapist) Gave me a Canvas, Its huge, I thank him greatly for that. Realy.. I do.. its awesome, a Little warped, but none-the-less, its great. He does so much for me. I Should give him a hug the last day I see him. That reminds me, I have to give Megans mom a Hug, She deserves it. She deals with alot of shit.. Megans Dad is a Fucktard, he calls me "That Homo" Yet Doesnt believe im gay and I Just want to get into Megans Pants, Yeah fucking right, Unless Megan has an Eight Inch Dick, I Dont want anything to do with her pants. seriously. She's going with me to tallahassee, We're going to the warped tour, and then going to tallahassee to visit my brother jeremy. It was a sudden thought, but we're actually planning it, cause Ive rejected her, for blake. and that sucks ass. cause I dont like doing that to people... Reminds me again, Im going with sylvia to the fourth of july, this should be awesome, As far as I know we're going to the beach, Mommy said she's also going to the beach, we may go to the same one, who know's I may see her there.. I Told mommy to get me a glowy Neckalace there.. cause I love those things.. I wanna see blake again.. he's suppose to come to my house right as soon as he checks for the HIV thing, if he's positive, I'll just have to do my best to help him.. I could care less if He got me an HIV, I just care about him..seriously. Perhaps HIV's are cureable?.. any?..Hopefully. well yeah, Ive written alot, this was suppose to be a short entry, but Ive had alot to say. so yeah.. Peace.. -Matti