well were back to school, and i dont think its going to be a very good year, i dont really have any classes with any of my friends except sammy in math, but other then that it sucks, lunch sucks too, i knew i wouldnt have it with kelsey or barry, it sucks. i just hope it gets better. were totally different now, if only everyone knew what he does, i think they would all think i am insane, well i pretty much am, hes like a drug to me, im addicated to him but i cant stop wanting to be with him. i dont know whats wrong with me. he trys to make me think i am doing everything wrong am im not, i just dont know how to stop, i think i need some serious help. its like im living the life i want to seam so perfect, but ive relized for a really long time now, its NEVER going to happen. i need to move on and forget about the past, cause everyday when i wake up thats the first thing i think of and want to go back to sleep the whole entire day, just to forget about it all, i think the only thing that keeps me going is actually wanting to do something with my life, but the way it looks like right now im not getting very far, out of all the mistake ive had make in my entire lifre, i still to this day just keep thinking about that one. i just wish i could be perfect, but then again i dont casue a perfect person is boring, i dont want that, but to tell you the truth i really dont know what i want. i just wish i could tell what is going to happen, but i guess thats what the joy is in life, figuring out who you are. its hard though, i never thought it would be this hard. i really want a car, im sick of my parents always saying there looking, bullshit they are not looking, it makes me sooo freakin mad, but i need to be pacient. i wonder if he ever still thinks about me....................hummmmm wonder......... i just wish things could be like they used to be, life sucks when you get older.