well thats it i deside today no collage for me. im going to just go off to all the places i want to go see and the big citys. i was thinking why did i want to go to collage for photography. and i came up with an anwser and this might be just the thing for me to deside if its me that want for me to go or my parnets but if things go well i might just stay travleing. and may be on my travles i can pick up some people that would like to join along as well kind of like on forest gummp ahaha. i dont think i could go on that long of a travle just by myself i have spent to much of my life with myself that i forgot to confersate with others. brittney will be going off to collage shortly and them im off still going on my last year of high school alone but it will not be that bad im use to it. i have been having this ideal for adventure a while ago i just need to find who me really is i once thought i knew about last month but i dont. im proud of myself these past couple of weeks i have been staying postitive im trying to be on the sunny side but its when my negitivity fight with the postive that i get all messed up.i dont know not that may good things have happened to me in my life time. when i think somthing is going to come out good in the end they fall apart. mostly with friends and guys i start hanging out with them and months go buy and they seem to find some other one for enteranment and seem to leave me in the dust brittney is the one right know that hasnt done such a thing like that to me and i hope it doesnt end up that way. i really miss being a kid. i am happy dont get me wrong but some times it just gets to hard and my mind just goes nuts. like at the moment. i wish i didnt have som of the feelings im having now.but i know i will get through it some how life throws you rocks at you once in a while but theres always something to bandage it up in the long run. i hope buy me saying postive things like that will get me on the right track. i do hope so. i hope i get up and not cureage to confess somethings that are on my feelings list for people. i just need to get into that state that makes me not care and think that things turn out for a reason and the reason will always be good. that things can ever get really worse.i need to hurry up and let somethings out before its to late and i end up geting hurt. im in a talking mood i wish i had something to talk about all this to insead of writing it in this damn things truthly i really hate writing personal feelings and such in online journals poerty is always better for me to share. but im ready to have that one person i can talk about anything to i never had that never really had a really really close friend some one you can count on when things go wrong to the point is taring you apart inside to keep in hidden.i guess what im saying is im tried of being alone but i must say i havent been feeling alone for the past couple of weeks do to my new friend i never thought i would meet a new person to hang out with i thought it will only be brittney that i will always hang out with. it just make me think mybe in not a unlikeable person.i dont see why i always ended up losing firend i never hurt them i was always kind of heart. i was alway there for them when they need to talk or were having family problem but better people come around and im just no good from them so they kind of tose me to the side but i know that i am a good friend thats all that counts i know it was not me it was just them trying to find themself in other people insead of looking to find themself in them. your friend dont make you who you are. you do.