i have learned many things about myself through out these past years from growing up in a rocky childhood that left me with a new father and homes from california to germany. those moments when my real father use to abuse his place as one and the times were me and my new father experiened the months of being homeless in colarado springs and tring to deal with coping and helping my half sibling boy get through it without scares.i grew up fast and with that i dont regrat anything that has happen in the past it brings the futrue i head with more positive thoughs knowing things are at best now then they have been in the past. yes i find myself daily wondering if i would change myself would i find that someone but then i relise moments later the changing is not the answer it is waiting pasintly for someone that will enjoy me for the reall person im not the one i know they will.to me life is beauty its self and how i despise some people i find beauty in the way the show them self but i know inside the photo they are what they really are and what they seem themself for.i guess sometimes i feel like im puting myself in some sort of movie or book where im the stranger girl that one day will become a starnger girl that i guy will fall inlove with that my actions will give a person tingles in their bones. this is only my imganation you see because it seems more like what will happen in a movie or book then in real life but that is what keeps me positive on some days and it is what keeps me negitive on others. i will see some handsome guy and be what if he comes up to me in this seconded and asks to get to know me better over dinner these are grown up thoughts and i want to feel every last bit of them. im ready to grow more then from what my past has giving me i want to grow from what people and myself give me. i will never take life for granted because then i take myself for granted. for my fears are what keeps me going because if i fear i will lose my talents for things or i end up not going far with them then i will try harder to bring myself up and say "hey who are you kiding". but i know that others have such or even greater talents then myself some are just beginers and i have seem my share of them (laura taylor)then there are beginers (dean)[sorry if i spelt your name wrong dear]that are just beginning their stuff might not be the greatest now but in time i feel they will adventance to a greater or same level as myself its time that gets us up and going and its time that takes us place that we never thought we can inbark on. these are theroies i have come to relise tonight from all the artist i see around myspace and xanga and other site full of happy go lucky people. then there is my theroy of digital photography i know myself i use it alot but its kind of hard not to because film is geting so expenceive these days do to digital photography taring down curtian learning of it. for one they are taking what americans have had sence photography exsested and that is polaroid do you want to keep the first ever technqine of photography for every artist to experince this is what made digital what it is today not fansy computer systems made from a smart guy no it from a littl camera and film that put memories in to a instant picture so you can get the first feeling of what you just enjoy right after you enjoyed it. people these days dont notice such memories these days the people ages before us took great care to imbark on instent memories not stored in a computer of little round disk they fould joy in a little thing. but they are taking it away from future artist that could be come as big as wahol,pocaso and so furth. it sadess me that they take away fromt the artist what most people dont enjoy i dont feel its the people that bought polaroid but yet the people in this world that surrounds there life around digital object not say that a person useing a ditigal is bad i feel aperson in use digital so experince something new but also they sould try other things and take joy in the old stuff that has been there for ages. i feel this is the year where people are taking polaoids more offten the youth that is i think they sould hold on hope for this dear friend of mine it is what makes being a photographer fun.