My diary name here seemed stupid less than 2minutes ago. i remembered something. It was a good memory. i read someone else's entry, and it just came to me. i used to be like that once. i'm still that person. In Nelson i was that person. In Hanma i was that person. In Napier i was that person. In Auckland i was that person. But since i've been here, with people crowded around. Claustraphobic. i'm just not her. Maybe one day again i will be. i don't feel stupid. i feel hit down, and am desolate state of mind. Just..Calm and slow and Happy and Sad at the same time, but i am not confused.. Because now, i'm that little girl again, in that exact same playground. But then i get lost. i'm not lost. i'm here..and everyone's happy, so i should be. i mean, i am, because it's not that i'm not, it's just..i never needed that change. i never needed that dressmaker (time), forever making alterations. i didn't need change. It's getting dark outside now. i like it when the sun is about to start setting, it glows my room up gold. i hung up on my mother today. i'm not sure i can even call her that anymore. It's too dark. i'm not here. i need the curtains open. Now.