Heaved up by guilt, pleaded with innocence, lived a mess. Reminiscing in chronological order, nothing would seem to be fair. Letting someone see it all this time, staying out of it, i respect him. Alive with regret, but alive with arrogance, occasional self-pity, ignorance, Ignorance. i have seen damages created by myself, and i could never have thought that i would be the culprit. It doesn’t make sense. Not here, not in my mind. Anyway, life is being alright-ly lived. i don’t know why i haven’t written about my boyfriend in here. i guess this goes over the top personal. Obsessively personal. Up to date, i have officially turned a year older, potentially had two children, and moved out of my mother’s. i still blow my nose on my jamies, though. Shhh. i’ve been living with Axl since he pretty much got out of jail- a total count of almost nine months. Nine of those months out of Ten. We don’t get along famously, of course, we never could, but it has been alright. He’s provided me with a distraction that i bless. i like spending some time with him. A trip to Auckland and Christchurch is due. With $39 fares, who’d’ve ever thought i couldn’t afford it! Christchurch with Jess and Axl: to see Jason, Heidi, Axl’s old friends from way back, Axl’s ex-girlfriend, Amy, and for me to just get away for a bit. Auckland with whoever: to see R0b, mainly. i haven’t seen him in too long and things feel much weaker and instable now. i never really relied on him for anything (men! –need i say more?), but it’s been good knowing him for the time past. Every day i see myself growing more into my mother. But i think i’ve found a way to stop it now. Circle relationship of life. We repeat ourselves. It takes a while to learn. At least i wont be bored most of the time. i need a job. i need someone to guide me..