He's walking around in my head. Waiting for something to confide in. Waiting to tell me my confessions. It's the only one, he's the only onw, the subconscious. i'm loving like it'll be the last, like there is no future, but really, i just need to wait for the rain to pass overhead. Perfect and Happy comes along, it's just the reaching out and grabbing it that's hard. Determination is what counts in this life. Leaving it all behind, all the loneliness. all the blind. all the regret. dont dwell. but always dwell. chemicals is such a harsh word, and in itself, seems even harsher, but i like to think i'm myself without. May hitch a ride to Auck to see the beloved Robness in Auckland. i want to hit the drugs wit him and just talk. He wont, though. Well, i'm lost hopeful for it. Stone and bone, hard as concrete, these thoughts, this mind, locked up the back, let me out. Kneel here, with the gun, watch the cows, let th little cousin drive, because you're too wastered. The taste of my blood is sweet. It has been past few years. Pain is just a simple barrier to a euphoric state------ Beat and bruised, byut only because of thermite and cars. Invisibvle, infeelable pain. Goodness. Life.