The lady has cameras in my room. She has the mail returned from a certain address transferred to her work. My aunty’s convincing her to drug my water, but i taste it. GHB ME, BITCH. Anyway, i need to commit myself more to reading and writing. 200mg is –never- near enough anymore. My body is small, my tolerance seems high, but it isn’t. Can’t feel the flying, and out-of-body mind states. i don’t need my mood to be chemically inhanced. i need the mental balance it allows me to have i feel my pulse at the top of my fingers, firm against a cold glass. They wont stop throbbing. Tachycardia at my invisible finger tips now. Feel the glass, but not touching it styles. Blood, bone, flesh, pounding, racing, skin. It wants out. Adrenalin. Small crystals like diamond fragments, only i’m constantly breathing them in, and they keep getting stuck. It’s asthma. i’ll go off and paint again now. Painting makes me that girl i am. The one that sat on the wooden deck knowing she was someone with someone who loves her. Sweet Dreams.