Ma wont stop talking shit. She can guide me, yes. She can advise me and share her opinion, yes. But she cannot make my decisions, clearly they haven't been the perfect ones in the past. i can take on board what she has to say, and choose to apply it in my own way. The rest is up to fate and God. i need to be with supportive people who love me, and will not take me for granted. i need to be in a clean atmoosphere, learn to have fun minus drugs. and i need to be in a beautiful place that i can learn to appreciate. You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. So here i am writing to not forget that i know how to do this. i do what i want. i do how i do it, my way. i would like to take this chance to thank everybody who has helped me through my "rough times". my abuse. my abstinance. my righteousness. my choices. my relationships. my drama. my life. everyone who has always told me that life gets better, to take one day at a time, everything step by step, slowly. go with the flow. ease into a pattern of life. i would like to thank those who have stuck with me, because without them i wouldn't be able to sit here typing. i would like to appreciate and show my gratitude toward my regrets, my fails, and everyone that let me fall. because i got up. i can't think realli well. tired. have only had a few hours sleep in the last 4 nights. that thanks goes to my dearest, always. i need to write an entry about it. called "absinthe makes the heart grow fonder". when i am properly consioious. out fer t'nihht. 'tis 2242, 16/12/2008 a mental note to self: get smart fast. get back on the same track you were on before axl. become yourself again. and be happy. i want to fuck you. and suck your cock. but. all in good time. so tired. so gonn sleep. night diary. 2249-16.12.08