yeahnah, can't be assed writing about the fires of victoria. took too many lives, too much australian "bush". am lying at the end of my bed, upsidedown, typing. it's interesting. have managed to save nz$5000 since start of jan. it makes me not want to take time off, and not want to spend. so many more options are open when there is money. plan is to build house. i have been weighing up the locations of where i can grab land. i have been researching different materials. how much i can afford, where ans so on, and so forth. ma went back home to finish work. she finished up on wednesday, and is planning on being here by sunday. i can hardly wait. it gives me a chance to manipulate the money situation. in a good way for the both of us. i've made the decision to stop treating myself by getting my nails done. to a degree (just like almost everything), it is an expensive habit. nz$20 every week. instead, i want them cut (because they are real), so that i can learn electric guitar and start rock climbing again. i used to be good enough at the sport, but got fat. and into drugs. i had a weird dream last night, but i don't want to type it. or write of it. anywhere. it would make me feel too upset. work is uneventful, and apparently, they want to cut down on people, so i was told today. i have been job searching back home, but can't really do much until i've got my $10000 sorted (late april/early may). ma seems fine with me coming back. i told her i made a decent go of it. i didn't really, because i didn't want to. i'm not ready for it. someday i will be back, to see her. i don't think she will spend the rest of her life here though. alex is meant to be calling (yeah fucken right). i've run out of money on international calling cards. nothing at all of interest to report. i feel so dull and i hurt. axl still wants me back. it aint gonna happen. i'm gonna show that boy how i can go from losing everything, to having anything i want within a year. legally. the goal is in reach. and i know i can do it. i just need to make sure this idea motivates me. hopefully he doesn't get killed before i can show off. my own house. pink car. booze. boys. everything, really. then later, maybe kids. but i'm SO over that. never, ever having kids. ever. gah. 'nother day, same shit really. peaceout. 18.48-19.02.09