Yes, catatonic today. i'd rather not remind myself of life inside bars, but my mindspace wont allow anything different. i want to be in the dark, sitting on a nice bench, talking to someone who really does know me. Someone who can hug me and just say: it's okay. Everything is fine. There's no need to review the past, because face it, reality is: you can't go back to change anything. And then i'd say: but i can go back and try re-live it again, try to know that the past was the past but i can repeat it, if i wish. And then they're say: Vienna, you're a fucking idiot. *sigh* Just, life. i have to start over here, but i don't want to have to go through, and put everyone around me, through pain and suffering to be given the good part of life i had. i'm not even allowed to go anywhere. Even if i could, i think it would be a mistake. Fuckkit, i can't think straight. 15 more days until my birthday meh. ((05082008-1838))