mmmm.. maccas.. still a bit tidly from night befo'. 'tis 1405 oclock. day after, obviously. so i got into a fight last night, and i realised something: i don't know how to fight anymore. i was always put in situations to defend myself and those around me, best i knew how. and now i know not. Jeff got punched over, unconsious on the tram tracks,, just lying there, being kicked in the head. Pete and i had no idea where he was because there was so much happening. kunt guy wanted to pull gun on us and Jeff said he wants it. Not that he has much to live for. poor guy. his father died of cancer, leaving the family butcher business to his mother. his mother can't run it because she too is sick with cancer. and gonna die. he has a little sister, who was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year but has had treatment. he has legionnaires disease. he is young. and full of life. but last night shocked me. i was taught a world where death be not usual, and yet i grew up by choice, within the centre of this evil. and pain. and quiet, cold sufferring. i moved out of that space, put it behind me, because i found no way of being able to cope with watching myself be so naive to the consequences. and then dickhead axl took me back there. loser. anyway, now i realise that was not "normal" . infact (if i may say so myself), very distructive indeed. so it is no longer a part of my life. but if i were to loose -anyone- now, things wont work out for me for a very long time. i will never learn. and i'm writing this to remind myself of life and the consequences, not so much like a karma concept. more the Newton's "for every action there is a reaction" concept. in everyday life. was that even Newton? or am i wrong? hm