Things are getting better... I guess. I'm quite tired of feeling like it my fault I can not see him. He lives about an hour and a half away. However I'm not allowed to drive my car more then 30 miles away because its not impact worthy. So I have no way of getting to his house, and somehow that’s my fault. I understand that this weekend has bad weather and everything and that’s partly why he didn’t come home, but make that point when you tell me because it just feels like you don’t want to be around me. Then complain that I’m not around you enough. I feel like I have to fix this when I know I cant. He needs me to go and see him, but I don’t have a car that is capable of making the trip. I don’t have the money to get a new car, I don’t have anyone to let me borrow their car because they all need it. There is no way for me to get down there. I sick of feeling like I’m a horrible girlfriend and a total bitch, I wouldn’t be so damn mean to him if he would just pay the slightest bit of attention to me. I'm not assuming anything anymore, I need to be shown he still cares about me and he still loves me because I’m not going to assume he does. It still hurts he was going to leave me because I wasn’t capable of living with him. Not only that but he was going to leave me and start dating Julia. I don’t think I will ever be able to get over that. Just as he will never be able to get over the 2 times I tried to leave him, but I came back. I have finally realized and accepted that I found the person I want and need to spend the rest of my life with. And as soon as I figure this out, he says he’s not sure anymore. How am I supposed to deal with that? I have yet to hear back from Edinboro yet if I’m accepted or not. If I’m not ill apply to Keystone where my mom went. But if I don’t get in there then ill go to Luzerne, so I can be near him. If I go to a 4 year school and we don’t make it through it, I’m going to wait for him because I know he’s the one I’m going to marry. I just know it. But I don’t know if he feels the same way anymore. 2 Christmas’s ago he gave me a Irish clatter ring. When you wear the heart facing you that means your spoken for and if you wear it away from you it means your single. I wear it ever day, if I forget to put it on in the morning and I get in my car to do to school I feel weird not wearing it. So I have to drive back home and get it. I used to be embarrassed to wear it because I wear it on my ring finger, but now I wear it proudly. When I first went back to school everyone was asking if he and I were still together. I replied 'yes' and then told them he was an ass now. I was just mad at him because he wasn’t giving me the attention I deserve. I don’t really regret saying it. And for that I’m sorry. Women are complicated, they need to be shown you still care. They are never going to assume you do because they shouldn’t have to. They want you to hold your hand and touch the small of their back when you walk together. They want you to kiss them on the cheek and brush the hair out of their face. All the cheesy, small pointless things you think you don’t have to do anymore because you feel comfortable around them. Think again, because not doing those things make their mind race to completely ridiculous ideas. You may know you love her and she’s perfect, but shell never know unless you tell her or show her. Because when it comes to feelings women never assume.