In a week it'll be the exact day that my best friend committed suicide... Yeah I know, I've gone from happy to depressed in a few moments but the realizations are hard sometimes. He called us over to hang out and watch a movie marathon. His mother opened the door and let us in. We went to his room, but he wasnt in there. His closet was cracked open a bit (walk in closet) and the light inside was on. We looked in the closet and he had hanged himself. It was one of those surreal feelings. The "This isnt real. Its a dream.." feelings. It took a week until the wake for the realization to hit. And when it hit, it hit with the force of a hurricane. I broke down at his wake. I was a mess. My mom and a few friends had to take me to the car. I hadnt cried about it up until then cause it hadnt been real at the moment we found him. To me, it was a dream. Actually more like a nightmare. I feel like a hypocrite when I tell Kari not to cut (RL or RP). The only difference, is that, my scars have already faded away. Blazeia has my blade. She checks my wrists every morning at school to make sure I havent started up again. I started cutting when he committed suicide. It was so hard. I couldnt handle it all at one time. I had to go to a camp called "Kolob Canyon" for 6 months. They had to take me out of school for that. I had school at the camp. It was for troubled young girls. This all happened when I was 13. 2 years ago. When you find a friend dead, its not something you ever ever EVER forget. No matter how hard you try. Its all you see at night when you sleep. You dont dream, you have nightmares about it over and over again. Every night for a year. Thats how it was. I was afraid to go to sleep. And he was the best friend a person could have. It could be 2 am on a school night. And you could call him saying you needed notes for a test and he'd get dressed, get on his bike, grab the notes and be there ready to study (even when you said he should sleep) in 10 minutes. He was the joker. He was funny and romantic and sweet. He was awesome to talk to. He would always comfort you if you needed it. I actually almost called his house after the funeral I was so sad. Looking for someone to help me feel better. God I miss him so much. I went through therapy up until 2 weeks before I joined the SC. Meaning I stopped therapy last year around the beginning of December. His Girlfriend was with me when I found him. She's still in therapy. She used to call me every Saturday, but all of a sudden she stopped calling. I'm calling her tonight to make sure she's ok. I pray she hasnt fallen back into old habits. I couldnt handle all that over again.