I almost fell apart yesterday... Meaning I was ready to go back to Blazeias and get my blade back. The Shadow Clan was starting to fall apart for a few good moments there. No one there knows how much it means to me. My character is what I can never be. Its therapy to me. The SC is what is keeping me from Kolob Canyon. Its kinda funny that its hectic, crazy, drama, and sometimes insane-ish. But its what keeps me from going insane again. I cant go back to Kolob Canyon again. I just cant. If I went back there, I would miss out on so so much. I dont want to miss out on my little brothers birth. I dont want to miss birthdays, holidays, surprisingly school. Its kinda scary how close I was. I havent reached for my blade since March (SC, you know why). I've scratched at my wrists with my fingers, but just made scratches, not cuts. I dont want to go back to the life I used to live. I couldnt do that. Never ever again. I had almost turned towards suicide after my best friend had done it. My initial thought was "If he couldnt cut it, what chance do I have?" But now I know I have something to live for. A boyfriend, a baby brother, my dream of becoming a famous rock star (and oh how farfetched that is), the SC (which is truly keeping me here), and my friends. I've posted four of my poems here. If I posted the rest, you would all see just how fucked up I am on the inside. Its kinda like that avatar on photobucket. I'm Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. Fine. Just Fine. How are you? I've been told I'm fucked up. I'm just not quite sure how much. I find every word I would love to say to someone in creative arts (singing and poetry). It just sits better with situations. I wanna thank the SC for being there when I needed them and listening when the others wouldnt. Oh and about my best friends girlfriend. She's fine. No old habits.