As it says above, I feel dead. There's nothing left inside. I'm sick of this. I want out. I want out so bad. All I've been doing is crying. Crying at school, crying at home, and crying myself to sleep. And no its not Garretts fault. I'm confused, and tired, and I just need help. As the cuts get deeper, the scars get more noticable. I dont know who to talk to, I dont know who to turn to. I realized that the one person who actually listened had somethings to work out himself. And Garrett, the one person who's cared since the beginning is so depressed and dead inside its not funny. I dont care what anyone says right now, I want to help him. Dont call him an asshole, dont call him anything but great. All he's really done is help me. He's kept me on this Earth the longest, knowing he was doing it the entire time. Maybe some of you dont believe that, but I do. I could care less if you're insecure, or jealous, or just bitchy towards him. Leave him be. You may talk to him, but you dont know him like I do. And I'm pretty sure I know him pretty well. "There are things that have gone on between me and Garrett that you'll NEVER know about" ~Anonymous Honey, I know all about them. Don't even start. I'm sorry if I'm sticking up for him, but thats what I believe and I'm not changing my mind. Kayla, the reason me and you aren't close is because we butt heads all the time. You can't expect us to get along. You insulting my friends doesnt help. My bestfriend, or my crush. So please keep your words to yourself. I know you care about me, but this is my decision and mine alone. If I fall, I'll pull myself up seeing as no one else believes in me. And if I die trying, sobeit. This is Garrett and dont you dare judge him because he may have hurt anyone reading this: "I've never had a god damn family. I don't know how to treat people, because I never learned. I'm still learning how to be around people, because I grew up without fucking love, Katey. Both of my parents have kicked me out, and one of my friends killed herself on New Years because of me." IM Convo: Armok The Dark [5:15 PM]: I don't want to be somewhere I'm not welcome. Armok The Dark [5:15 PM]: She's broke me, Katie. Punkkittygirl [5:15 PM]: Why do you think everyone wants you off Garrett? Why? Armok The Dark [5:16 PM]: Because I believed her, somewhat. Armok The Dark [5:16 PM]: I don't see anyone rushing to email me Armok The Dark [5:16 PM]: or trying to get me back. Punkkittygirl [5:16 PM]: Some dont know your email and what do you think I'm doing Armok The Dark [5:16 PM]: One out of how many? Punkkittygirl [5:17 PM]: I dont know... Armok The Dark [5:17 PM]: I appreciate it, but one person of twenty isn't enough to keep me there. Punkkittygirl [5:18 PM]: ...Thanks. Armok The Dark [5:18 PM]: Don't take it like that. Armok The Dark [5:18 PM]: Because, you as a person would be enough. Armok The Dark [5:18 PM]: But I don't want the hostility, or nuetrality that everyone would give me. Armok The Dark [5:18 PM]: Its degrading. Punkkittygirl [5:19 PM]: *Sighs* I'm sorry... Armok The Dark [5:19 PM]: You didn't do anything. Armok The Dark [5:20 PM]: I dont want appologies from you, bascha. Armok The Dark [5:20 PM]: I told Kayla straight-up. Armok The Dark [5:20 PM]: "This account is the last I will ever make" Armok The Dark [5:20 PM]: and she deleted it. ~*~*~ Armok The Dark [5:36 PM]: You're missing a funny show. Punkkittygirl [5:36 PM]: There's a show? Armok The Dark [5:36 PM]: I'm listening to ICP Armok The Dark [5:36 PM]: and "Take me Home" has me in tears Armok The Dark [5:36 PM]: Pretty ironic ~*~ Armok The Dark [6:16 PM]: And then scream myself to sleep Armok The Dark [6:16 PM]: Or at least scream my way out of this hell. Punkkittygirl [6:17 PM]: *sighs* I want to help you so bad right now. Armok The Dark [6:17 PM]: But I can't be helped. Armok The Dark [6:17 PM]: Thats the sad part. Armok The Dark [6:17 PM]: I'm not blind, I'm numb Katey. Punkkittygirl [6:19 PM]: *Closes eyes* Thats not going to make me stop wanting to help you. Armok The Dark [6:19 PM]: My body's equilibrium has been off since this happened. Armok The Dark [6:19 PM]: I've been cold, Katey. I am NEVER cold. Armok The Dark [6:19 PM]: I'm supernaturally warm all the time. Armok The Dark [6:19 PM]: I can sit in a tanktop in 30 degree weater and radiate heat Punkkittygirl [6:20 PM]: Wow... Armok The Dark [6:20 PM]: See? Armok The Dark [6:20 PM]: This rage, and this fury is awakening my demon Armok The Dark [6:20 PM]: Just like Armok had a temper, I used to Armok The Dark [6:20 PM]: Until I channeled it into a character. Punkkittygirl [6:20 PM]: What are you going to do now? Armok The Dark [6:21 PM]: I'm going to beat and batter something, probably. Armok The Dark [6:21 PM]: Or go to school tomorrow and kill the first ignorant racist piece of shit that pisses me off. Punkkittygirl [6:21 PM]: *sighs* whatever helps. Armok The Dark [6:22 PM]: Armok The Dark [6:22 PM]: I just, honestly, want to curl up and never wake up. Armok The Dark [6:22 PM]: And I don't ever feel that way. Punkkittygirl [6:23 PM]: Please dont ever do that. I dont care if you're not accustomed to emotions, but this is me begging. Please never do anything like that. Armok The Dark [6:24 PM]: I don't. Armok The Dark [6:24 PM]: I can't kill myself. Armok The Dark [6:24 PM]: I have a goal in life. Armok The Dark [6:24 PM]: Until I achieve it, I'm stuck here. Punkkittygirl [6:24 PM]: Would you mind if I asked what said goal is? Armok The Dark [6:25 PM]: I have to find myself. ~*~ I'll cry myself to sleep if I have to hear that another friend of mine gets hurt. I'm sick of the pain and the hurt and the void that no one can seem to fill.