This whole ordeal with Brandon is just tiring. It feels like a nightmare. Last night I had a nightmare about what happened. It was exactly what happened only he got farther. I cried when I woke up. I cried so much. Skye came in my room and talked to me. I was shaking and crying. I'm getting a restraining order for him tomorrow. I dont know if it will help any, but I hope it does. I looked up some information on all of this. I found out that he could go to a treatment program and have some community service and that would be it. Would they really let him off so easily?? I dont know if I could handle that. He goes to my school. He lives less than a mile away. I cant get a restraining order for my friends so he wont bug them. I cant let him attack them too. He slapped Skye and I cant do anything about it. It hurts so bad to know cant do a be damned thing about it. UGH! All of this is piling up. I decided against getting that thing from Samanthas. I wont fall back into that. I cant fall back into that. If I do, I'll be a hypocrite. And then I'd feel guilty and do that more. I just want this all to be over. I want it to be like it was before. Before summer break when everything was perfect. Before I knew Brandon was cheating. Before I started going back to the old me. I cant go back to Kolob Canyon. I have to be a good example for Skye. If not me, than who will be? I dont want her to be like me. I want her to be everything I'm not. Happy, cheerful, smart, pretty. I cant let her live the life I did and still am. I cant and wont let her. Ever. She has to be something more than me. Thats what I want. My mom says I'm mean to her, but I'm not. I want to protect her. But then again, I dont want to protect her from the world, I want to show it to her. Show her everything happy. Everything she can be. Her true potential. That its not all bad. I want her to have everything. Be everything. I swear if Alex hurts her like Brandon did me, I will kill him. I wont let Skye be as damaged as me. I refuse to let her be like that. I will give her everything. Do everything in my power to help her. I wont let anything happen to her. She means the world to me. And I need to tell her that. Because she doesnt know it. If Brandon ever touches her again, I will kill him.