I am so worried today. AFR was talking about how his arm went numb. Hawk started asking him all these questions about medical stuff and we looked up symptoms of a heart attack. Hawk tried to calm everyone down by saying he probably pinched a nerve. My Grammas a nurse and she said that might be it too. A lot of the things he was talking about were symptoms of a heart attack. We told him to go to a clinic but he doesnt have enough money or insurance. I was pacing earlier. UGH I hate being worried. It makes it harder for me to sleep. He said he was afraid to sleep cause he was afraid he wouldnt wake up. I tried to stay calm, I truly did. But it doesnt work with me. I'm still worried right now. I have to wait till tomorrow morning to make sure he's ok. I would hate to wake up tomorrow morning and find out something happened. I dont think I'll be able to handle the death thing all over again. Never again. I cant fall back into old habits. I keep getting tempted to steal my blade from Blazeia, but something keeps me from doing so. I think it might be my logical side. I dont want to go back to Kolob Canyon. I hope AFR's alright. I wouldnt be able to live if something happened to him. He means too much to a lot of people including myself.