9:52 PM I don't know what to do with myself anyone. I miss knowing exactly what I wanted. I miss being what I was. I struggle with myself so much sometimes.

10:34 AM I miss you. It's weird that I keep dreaming about you. I keep trying to find out why you like it better this way. Why you prefer that you are just another senior who knows me and occasionally gives me a smile or a hug. I'm having a hard time understanding if last summer was just you using me to forget about her. She was dating your best friend, so therefore, you used me as a distraction. Or something to try to make her jealous. Or maybe because I hurt you... I don't know. I do miss you a lot. When I see you I just want to sit down and talk to you for ages. But I can't. I don't know. You won't see this. I don't know anything right now.

1:35 AM Six random hugs and attempt to pay for my movie ticket. Boys are absolutely insane(but amazing.) Especially him. I'm insane. This is very true. I don't know. He offered to take me to the show on Friday. He also invited me to a party at his house for his old band. It was quite random. His mom was excited he brought me home. Odd people. ♥

12:43 PM Wonderful. I miss you. You're beautiful. Today's been good. There's a show Friday. I'd really like to go. He's amazing. ♥

I've never fought this bad with someone before. I hate it. I hate it more than anything.

What happens if I write an entry in here? Does anyone still check this? Hm...

I'm done with journal pretty much. I've started a new one. Kickearl Add me or whatever my friends! I'll talk to you later. I've had it a while. Enough to write like 22 entries or something. But yes. I'm leaving this. And will eventually make it friends only. So yes. Good bye for now.

Hm...everyone is at LHS's homecoming game. And I'm here. And I mean, even though I wish I was there, I'm not all that bummed. This is turning out all right. It's not like I've become some major pot head or even tried any drugs. At all. And some of the people are really great and I'm really starting to bond with some people. It's making me totally happy. And even though I miss my friends in Utah, saying that won't make me get back there any faster. I need to stop being emo, stop whining about it and go out there and do something. I need to pull myself out of bed in the morning on weekends and go to church and go running. I need swim team to stop and I need to take some tylenol right now because my head hurts. That's what I need to do.

Jimothy. You are my special friend. You are super dooper and this entry is just for you. SEE! I wrote about you! YAY! Okay. Hope you enjoyed it. Heheh. Sorry it's so short! Okay.

I'm single. It makes me happy. I don't even know why. It just does. My mood is greatly improved. Heehee. I don't know why I cared so much. I was being pms-y or something...Screw Kelcy. Except not really. She can like whoever she wants and Scott can like whoever he wants. I'm in a fricking good mood. Today was just a super dooper spiffy day. But I won't explain it would be boring. I'm a little whiner sometimes I know. But I do love you guys. You are the bestestEST X 10,000,000,000,000 or something!!!

One Month Anniversary. 11 Months Left Tops. One Month and 2 days since I last saw Whitney, Nicole, and Kendall One Month and 1 day since I last saw Chelsea, Ashley-Grae and my Lizi One Month and zero days since I last saw Scott, since I left Logan, since I cried my eyes out.

It's been a litle while. It seems more like forever. I can't believe I miss it this much. Today I got asked if Utah was better than Ohio. I told myself I was going to say that it was before I moved here. I was going to try and concetrate on why Ohio was good. But without thinking I anwsered the question. It was something like "*pff*oh yeah!" And I was like...oops. And they started dicussing hickness and all this stuff. It was...interesting? I think about Logan everyday. I miss so many people. THINGS I HAVE DONE SINCE I GOT HERE 1. Went to Lake Erie 2. Had "family time" 3. Talked on DSL 4. Had my 15th b'day 5. Met a few interesting people Yup. Anyways. I guess things are okay. I should look on the bright side. At least I'm going back?? Anyways. I'll be heading out. I know I'm a whiner and no one wants to read this...okay. I miss you guys in Utah. Have I failed to mention that recently?

Dang I wish I were funny. Ah well. Sucks to be me I guess. I'm sitting here and later today I may go and buy the things that are on my magical list of things to buy. Crest Whitening strips and hairspray. HAHA. And bobbie pins. I need some of those. Today is cleaning day. And I -get- to clean. At least that is what I have been told. Mmm...haha. Homecoming is coming. And I'm not going. And suprisingly I really don't care. I don't understand why I would spend a hundred dollars on a stupid dress and get my hair and make up done. Along with a manicure and a pedicure plus buying shoes to go hanging out with my other friends and their dates and look like a fricking loser when people were dancing and I just stand there. HAHA. I'll go to homecoming eventually. Maybe. But I mean...I dislike dances where I don't know most of the people and where most of the people haven't a clue who I am. I'm just "that new girl from Utah". I think I'll lock myself in my room and write an emo song about moving back to Utah. How hard can it be? Mostly they're power chords. Or so I've been informed by people. Ah well. I'll go away now and keep wishing I were funny. MEH MEH MEH MEH. BYE BYE

SSSSSOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!! GUESS WHO E-MAILED ME?!?!?! No sorry...not Orlando Bloom nor Heath Ledger. The one and only CASEY HEDRICK! w00t! I'm so glad. And I guess they didn't tell his boss and blah blah blah. Yay. I'm so glad. And he seems to be doing well and feels bad for not writing me:D. HAHA. I'm in a super dooper good mood but I have to be leaving. More babysitting. But I'll be rich! YAY!

Okay I bought this cd because of this song. And why this song. Because it reminds me of Casey. Singing in the car. It also reminds me of Resa singing in her car! Yes. I know. I'm a nerd. I love this song. It's the best song in the entire world. Dead serious. It makes me so happy and so sad. Yesterday Jim was all "you and casey got really close in a week" and then he said "you...I dunno" and I asked him what and he said he couldn't think of the right way to put it. Then he said "You judge people really easily and seem to know who they are really fast." And it's weird. Because I can't do that at school. And...outside school I'm so happy and hyper and everything. But here, I just have a hard time being super outgoing. I mean I can still talk to people and everything but it isn't like me getting super attached to people I hardly know. I can only seem to do that outside school. I'm so lame. And Liz and Scott broke up. I knew it was probably coming but still...it's sad to see. They are both really bummed out and everything. And Liz is grounded for who knows what which is even more depressing. I'll have to call her on my birthday!!! Because I love talking to her and maybe my mom will feel generous and let me use the cell so we can talk for a really long time. I miss my Lizi. I love her so much and I think about her all the time. I think abotu a lot of people all the time though. They are all so terrific. And...I dunno. I miss more than I thought I would. I miss tons of people. My list is really long. Because I get to attached too easily. I dunno I'm stopping.

My head hurts. I'm crazy. The news is on. I'm ready to go home. I miss my friends. My birthday is coming in 4 days...it just makes me miss my friends even more. The idea of spending my birthday at home alone is so horrifying that I asked Lexi what she was doing Monday and told her she ought to give me a call if it was nothing. I can't really tell if she is my friend or she just feels sorry for me. Sometimes I wonder if everyone just hangs out with me because they feel sorry for me because I'm "the new girl". Things are so stupid here. It's sad. I hate being new. I hate no knowing lots of people. I hate people being my friend for not real reasons. For plastic reasons. It's so sad. I hate it. I really do. I have all of four "friends". Lexi-she's really funny and hyper and fun. She's also sorta a drama queen which is annoying. Oh well. Brittany-probably my closest friend here. She's really cool and we're splitting a babysitting job and everything. If most people saw her they would think "slut" but she totally isn't. She's a good kid. Abby-she is awesome. She's friends with Lexi, but I feel really comfy around her and I can be totally sarcastic with her and all. She's a huge spaz and everything too. Cassie-she lives by me(like Brit)and I don't really see her that much. She's cool and all though. Okay. Alright. I don't really know what to say now. I'm pretty depressed and all here. I mean, yeah it's alright but I want to go home and I miss all of you guys and I dunno. It's weird being away. Oh well. 362 days(tops)left of being here. I'm coming home eventually.

I'm so confused. You really mess me up sometimes Lizi. It seems like we are best friends but at times there's like this demon monstery thing that comes out and chews me out and makes me feel guilty. I didn't mean it as I don't want to talk to you anymore. I meant it as a suggestion. There's a million possibilities as to why Chels wasn't talking to you online. You know I love you. Don't be this way. Let it go. Okay? Please.

Yup. I didn't wake up till like 10. Last night there was a -huge- thunderstorm!!! It was awesome but it was SOOO loud. Yeah. Last night I had the strangest dream! Me and Amy and Whitney were running around in this store attempting to fill up bags of jellybeans before each other and I kept dumbing theirs out. And then I couldn't find the strawberry kiwi jelly beans and I started crying. But then I found them and they were neon orange. It was strange. But I won!! I got all my jellybeans in a bag before them. HAHAHA. I'm in a weird mood. I want to go back to sleep. I'm so fricking tired today I feel like flopping over at the moment. Yay! I'm updating my Windows Media Player, because I'm cool like that*cough cough(considering it sucks!!)* I'm making 30 dollars a week now:D! Yeah. I'm babysitting for these two kids. They are SOO cute. Sam is in 4th grade but she is SOOO mature. It suprised me so much. And Brandon is hyper and all over the place. It makes me laugh so hard! Oh well. I must be going. We are off to find a Walmart soon! YAY!!!!! w00t!!!! And everything else.

Second Day of School Today was so good. The morning was interesting but I worked a lot and I managed to talk to people in my classes and all. When we were walking to lunch today, I was behind Lexi and Abby and I was just all "hey." and then they asked me to sit with them and all and it was really cool. They have a lot of pretty cool friends and I really miss my friends when I think about them. Yeah. Lexi reminds me a lot of me. No swearing usually. Doesn't sleep around like a lot of the kids. No drugs. Good grades. Honors classes. It turns out she's in two of my four classes second semester. I'm glad because she is really cool. Now I need to open up and be all hyper like I am in Utah. I am the spaz of it all.*shrugs* Oh well. So today was tons tons tons better than yesterday. I've made some friends. I think they might be preppies though. HAHA. It's great. That's okay though because yeah. I like them, they are FAR better than no one!

Yeah. I don't know what all I have written so I'll just start from the beginning. We packed on Saturday and stuff and it turns out that Mark and my mom kept a ton of crap out of the moving truck so we had like -no- room in the van and we had to put a lot more stuff in storage. By the time we left it was like...6 in the evening. So we drove to SLC and stayed at Pat's house and that was all good and the next day we got on the road at 9ish. We went to the gas station and we had this jumbo mugs for pop and I filled mine up and went to pay for it and the guy looked at really confused so he just said it was free. When I told my mom, she said that he was flirting with me but I doubt it, I just think he didn't know the price. Yeah. So then we drive for two days and we got here and the apartment kinda sucked because it was dark and empty and all. But then these girls, Cassie and Brittany, came over to meet me and they talked to me about school and stuff. One of them is a Junior(Brit)and the other is a Freshman(Cas). So that was cool. And then I registered for school the next day and such. First Day of School I showed up and I was kinda like...whoa! And I went to the wrong art class. HAHAHA. There's like a cabinet seperating the two and I went into the senior class. It was interesting until I realized that I didn't belong there. HAHA. Then I went to Music Appreation and Social Studies and English. In social studies, people actually acknowledged that I was knew. I have lunch in the middle of S.S. Sitting by yourself at lunch totally sucks. That's all I have to say. And we are locked away in the cafeteria. Yup. And then I go back to S.S. and then to English. And then I got on the bus. It's weird here. Lots more profainty and a lot less of the whole "going out" thing. So my first day of school basically sucked. I was bored and alone and such. Then we went school shopping and everything that afternoon.