Scott C. is a jerk. I'm so pissed at him. I'm sitting here crying after reading Scott T's journal and thinking and he's talking about how Scott will get over it. If only he knew how hard it is to let someone you love leave for a year. A year is such a long time. Everything sucks. Seriously. I hate everything. Now I really want to run away with Austin. I wonder if he would go for it. I'm so glad I'm going over to his house tomorrow. I'll probably lay on his couch with my head in his lap and end up crying but he won't care. You know the way I write it sounds like we're going out but that's just the kind of person Austin is....I could kiss him and he'd take it as a friend thing or a joke. Now I'm not angry anymore...at least not at Scott C....I dunno why I am so stressed out about everything. I don't know how people do it....Maybe I just suck at dealing with problems or maybe I have to many of my own...I wish they're was a way to block this from my brother. I hate him reading this and knowing how I think. I really love way to many people. Maybe that's why things seem so hard. Because other people being sad makes me sad. I get attached to easily. It makes things so much harder. And I keep making people mad at me because I won't tell them things. Maybe I should just tell everyone everything. Lately it seems like anyone being sad can make me cry. Crying is good and bad. I like to cry when I'm by myself. After I cry I feel so much better and relived. Crying reminds me of the rain. But then the rain reminds me of crying. It's like all the angels are crying and it washes away the sins when it comes whether we like it or not. Rain is so perfect. I want to get kissed in the rain so bad. That would be like the best thing ever. I would kill for that! Well not really but ya know. Today is my mom's birthday. Man I really miss her. She e-mailed me today. Things are going pretty good with her. I can't wait for her to get home. How come I care so much about my mom and so little about my dad? I mean I love my dad but it's not even like he's my parent. It's like he's my uncle or a family friend or something. My stepmom. His job. Just about everything is more important to him then me and my brothers. I don't even see why I have to visit him this summer. I can't wait till I'm sixteen. I am SO getting a job because then I don't have to go(YES!) I want to run forever and never stop. I'm leaving to go running. Be back later!