Confuzzled. Confizzled. Shizzle. Gosh I hate that ending. Izzle. It just bugs me. And now it depresses me and makes me sad and watn to laugh all at the same time. It makes me miss Casey. He said it all the time and whenever he said it once he would use it a lot because it made me smile and laugh. I love people who make me laugh. I love making people laugh. Walking into my room is a death trap. To everyone, but also to my emotions. Everytime I walk into that stupid bedroom of mine, I want to break down into tears. The second you walk in there's piles of books, the duffle bag I've lived out of for the past like 3 weeks, then there's random clothes on the floor and blankets. Then there's the boxes. Lots of them. Most half empty. Yes, thinking half empty in this case is a good thing. I hate my room, the walls are blank, the shelves are empty. It's depressing. The things that I do see just make me sadder, my friends faces frozen, packed away in a box. It makes my head hurt. I think about saying goodbye. About those people who I really wish I had talked to. Anyone. But then again, this makes me miss people less. Not really, but I can pretend. There's so many people I love, that I'm not gonna see for so long. I'm weirded out thinking about it. Resa just logged on. Man I love her. I miss her so much. I don't know what I'm gonna do in Ohio. I'm gonna die of a broken heart. I'm gonna miss everyone so much, I love them all to death. I feel really weird. I can't describe it. It's like I've had to much laughing gas actually. My head is all fuzzy. I feel almost numb, but if I were feeling numb would I be able to be this sad. It's like a deep sadness, underneath my skin. It's not shallow sadness that you get over quickly. I feel so dumb writing this. I have this huge rage burning inside of me. I am so mad at some people. And for really weird reasons. I just feel angry and a lot of it is at myself. For me not keeping better touch with my friends, for getting into fights, for being such a flirt. But I'm also angry for people calling me shallow and pathetic. I'm so angry about it. I don't even know why. I don't want this anymore.