Fine. I can fake happy. Say that I'm not stupid, that I don't hate myself. It's easy. The easiest thing in the world. No one will notice because I will be happy but there will always be a scar on my soul from June 16, 2004 at about 10:30. The time I messed things up yet again. And I won't forget. Forgetting is hard. I will go on being friends with Liz. Maybe with Scott. Probably not Scott. He thinks I beat myself up to much. I don't. Only when I hate myself. It's easy to go from hating to love. That's the way I am. I will care for people and mess things up and get hurt and get others hurt. And I'll remember. I will remember for a very long time. And eventually when I'm old and shriveled I will look back and think about my wonderful friends and how I could have been better. Oh well. I can just grow up and stop being such a cry baby.