It’s not fair. Matt is staying here. I want to stay. I love it here. Just because he is so dedicated to the swim team and his studies. Helloooo I get better grades and I am –SOO- much more emotional. I know that I’ll have a harder time dealing with this. I have a harder time making friends. A harder time feeling accepted and trusted and trusting. Right now I feel so hateful of my older brother. I hate the attention he gets. I hate the kind of attention I get for being his little sister. I love the way Teresa says “This is Katherine –Veeder-“ not, “This is Matt’s little sister”. I’m sick of hearing how much better than me he is. How much better at school, at swimming, at making friends, at following the rules, at being responsible. At everything. It’s making me so sick. I love getting out of my house. I love hanging out with people his age who don’t know him or do and don’t –like- him. I feel so mean saying that because I really do love him. A lot. But sometimes, I wish I were more like him. That I were the older one. That I was better at –something- worth saying that I’m better at. Ha I can't believe I wrote that in a previous entry. I feel bad about it. But it's true. I'm so jealous of him. He is so good at everything. Stupid Matthew. Oh well. I'm not very nice. I have nothing to write and I felt guilty about it so yeah. I didn't really mean it. I don't hate him. I love him. Okay I'm done.