Went to Logan High for lunch. Well more like Scott, Craig, and their friends ate for about 5 minutes tops. Then me and Teresa and Scott and Craig and Adam left and went and wandered around and talked…Horrible Teresa kept pulling illegals while we were driving there. Well she did one illegal lane change but whatever….Meh..it was okay at Logan I guess. It was good to see Craig and Scott. I dunno why but of all the guys I’ve ever talked, to Craig has to be the one I have the hardest time talking to in person, I can talk to him fine on MSN….I have no clue why because I can walk up to total strangers and start conversations with them…..psh….maybe it’s because I care what he thinks of me or something like that. I feel so deprived. I am “banned” from the internet but my mom is leaving soon and what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her. I also feel very abusive. I am so mean to Scott and I feel so guilty. Like I was walking the way I usually do(which is slightly leaning against the person walking next to me)and that person next to me happened to be Teresa. So she yelled at me so then I was tempted to push Scott into the wall which made Teresa mad. It made me mad at myself to. I hate myself because I am such a jerk sometimes….GRRR stupid me! I am an abusive person and it is bad blah blah blah. Teresa says if I’m nice to Scott she will get me a snowcone which I totally don’t deserve. But really I should be nice anyways, even if she wasn’t buying me a snowcone. I really don’t understand this anymore. Whenever Teresa asks if I want to do something and I say I don’t know if I can then she tells me Craig is going…it’s like a bribe. I would go even if Craig weren’t going, it’s not like I’m trying to get out of it. And whenever I want to do something it’s “Oh, I’ll get Craig to come.” And I know she does that because she doesn’t want me to be a third wheel but right now I really wish that she wouldn’t because it feels like it’s Teresa-and-Scott and Katherine-and-Craig….not Teresa, Scott, Katherine, and Craig. Meh…maybe I’m being stupid but I decided it’s getting on my nerves. When Teresa took me home, I got out of the car and said “Thanks Teresa it was fun”, ya know to be polite. It made me mad though because she said “Oh yeah, the fact that you didn’t talk to Craig at all, poor Craig….poor kid.” What I don’t get is why isn’t it “poor Katherine” because it’s not like he tried –that- hard to talk to me. I know that sounds really selfish and everything but it bothers me that she expects me to be all cuddly the way she and Scott are. I don’t really like to be all cuddly unless I’m watching a movie because it just seems really awkward. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t like Craig because I want to cuddle with him but at the same time I don’t. Liking him is so distracting from everything and sitting around my mind totally wanders off and I always end up thinking about him. I had the weirdest dream last night. Me and Teresa went to a park in her car and it was like an island with all these weeping willows. And when we got out of the car all these guys came out of the trees and started spitting on us….it was so random and it was really cold spit…..So me and Teresa started spitting on them too. But then I blacked out in my dream and so did Teresa and they put us in giant cans of chicken noodle soup. It was really random. The last thing I remember is Scott was opening my can with this –huge- can opener and putting us in a giant pot…..It was a really messed up dream that’s for sure. So yeah. So far my day has been pretty good. I’ve spent so much of the last two days crying though it’s not even funny. When I got home from lunch I went and laid in my room and cried because I miss Christa so bad already. Then my mom came in and made me clean the rabbit cage. I didn’t want to but I wasn’t in the mood to tell her it was Mark’s turn….I just cleaned it and then I laid back down and read some Jurassic Park which I have read like 3 times already so I know what is gonna happen but I can’t find any other books I feel like reading that are in my house. After that I came downstairs and sat in the computer chair and listened to some really stupid emo that was on the computer and it made me more mad about Teresa saying “poor Craig”. So then I turned that off and listened to some random ska and it was happier. After that my mom made me go out and watch one of the horses because he is getting picked up soon. So I went outside and watched him and go bored so I decided to ride him bareback because we don’t have a saddle down here right now. So I did that for a while and got bored and cam back inside and started writing this. And I feel like I’m gonna throw up and I’m listening to NOFX. I’m starving too. I complain way to much. I hate this journal sometimes and I wish people wouldn’t read it but I’m selfish and like comments. Man the way the main singer of NOFX sings poor is awesome……that was random. Yeah, Teresa is at Harry Potter and I’m stressing and I don’t know. I need to find something to do tonight…..oh well. Bye. I’m getting online now because my mom just left. Oh yeah. P.S. Scott I’m really REALLY sorry. I was SOO mean and I feel SOO guilty.