Damn, I hate everything. I hate you, I hate me, I hate them. I am a very hateful person. Shut the fuck up, dont talk to me, you dont care about me. Dont act like you do when you really hate me. I hate you too. He is sad. He is in town today, he is leaving town on July tenth. He is going back to Salt Lake. I am not going to be able to see him for a long long time. I am sad. Tomorrow I am going to go to Bear Lake with my cousins. They have a jet ski. They live in California. If we werent related, they would hate me. A day or two ago it was raining. It was warm. I went out and stood in the rain. Just looking down the sidewalk, letting the rain soak through my clothes. Letting it run into my eyes and mouth. I stood out there untill the rain stopped, then I went inside. It smelled good. God and the Devil are one person, she just likes to play with our minds. He said that he missed me today. He got grounded too. It made me laugh. We can be grounded together. He is not the best kid, we talked about having something before. We talked about having something tonight. He would let me do bad things, he would encourage it. He does protect me from other people though. He doesnt let them... I said maybe. He said ok. Floating on a lake. The tree lets the its cotton go. The white fluffs float ontop of the cold water. Sun hitting your face. Lips feeling chapped. Laying on a black tube. Not letting any of your warm body parts touch the icey cool water. Listening to the people on the beach. Leaving for Jackson Hole on Saturday morning. Not getting back untill the sixth or seventh. I hope I have fun. Maybe I will meet someone intresting, and we will become friends, and he will write me letters. Probobly not. He misses me, I thought he forgot about me, found some other chik to make-out with. I probobly would have found an alternative if I was in his situation. You know, something to fall back on. Only untill I could go back to him though. I guess thats not what he did. Finished Queen of the Damned, I am halfway through Tale of the Body Thief. Crystal streams drip down my face. The rims of my eyes turn red. I turn my face into my feather pillow. The pillow grows damp. My face grows damp. I stop. So many things to be sad about, not enough tears to cry for them. Drew a picture of the moon. The moon was crescent. The tips of the moon dripped blood. Another picture, of a girl. The girl was trapped in the dark. She couldnt get out. All the light she had was a little candle. She sits in a corner, protecting her candle from the dark. Her eyes are wide. She cries blood tears. I had to push the knife away. The happy little knife, so shiny. The end curved and sharp. As it gets closer to the handle, the curve turns into jagged ridges. I pressed it softly to my skin. I pushed it away from me. A white line on my wrist from where it sat. I took a bath. It was dark outside. It was late. No one was awake. I went outside. I ran around on the grass in my towel. I came back inside. I went to bed. My toes where dirty. Silly me. in the name of... damn...