I feel like I am fighting against the current. Everywhere I go, I have to press my muscles to their fullest power they possess and grind my teeth as I hold fast against the waterfall.

I love my job, the women I work with however are noisy, gossipy, stupid old women, and also a college girl who says in a half serious way that she "should have been a man"... and I hate her the most. I hate them all... but I hate stupid college girl the most. She is so stupid.

With my family I feel a little outcast at the moment. I dont know why.

I miss my hubby sooo much sometimes. I know he needs to sleep and stuff, but I wish he didnt have to. If it was in my power to let him never work again just so he could be with me when I wanted him, I would do it.

I need to get my feet zoned.

I guess its not all bad. I sit here in my brand new couch and I watch the fish swim in their tank. That is my only really escape right now, I am not reading any good books, not wrapped up in any video games, I am out of painting canvas. I watch the light reflect through the bubbles in the water. I watch the light glance of the individual scales of my fish. I imagine my whole life swimming, breathing in the water, resting in the tall bright green stalks.

Whats that movie? The Incredible Mr. Limpet. And he sings "I wish, I wish, I wish I was a fish, cuz fishes have a better life than people..."

I feel a little bit like that now.

...

I am thinking about writing a book.