He always talks about how sometimes he has flashes of "this is where I am supposed to be" when he is with me. Today I had one. It just felt like I was in exactly the right place at the right time and I wanted to stay there forever. I was afraid that if I left I would never have one again. With the way things are going though, I doubt that. He is my favorite. I came in tonight and went down to my moms room to tell that I was home. She was dead asleep. I just stood there a moment watching her breath, and it almost made me cry. My mom is so strong-willed, so fierce, she is my hero. I love her more than anyone else. And I almost cried because when she asleep she looks just like a little kitten, all curled up and purring, so peaceful. It makes me so humbled and so grateful that she still loves me. I have broken her trust more than twice, and I know everytime I do that it breaks her heart. I feel so ashamed of myself in front of my mom. So unworthy. I dont know what I would ever do without her, but I know that some far away day I will have to survive without her there. She knows how to fix any situation and even though she can get pretty emotional sometimes, she always means the best. She is my most beautiful, my most loving, my most comforting best friend. And I know that one day in the future I am going to have to tell her the truth about everything. It makes me sad. I realized that I hadnt written in a long time, not because I dont like you dear diary, but because I hadnt had any time. So I decided to sit and jot down a few thoughts about my day before I went to bed. One year and my life is going to be turned upside down. I am afraid of that day but I am also am looking forward to it very much. Its a confusing thing. It is almost spring, I am feeling really giddy. I only really have a month and a half left to go till I graduate!!! Then it will be summer and it will be warm! I am so tired of the cold. So tired of having to wear a coat every day. I hate it. I keep dreaming of the day when I can sprawl in the sun and soak up all the cancer. It is gonna feel good. Love you journal. In the name of good