"You feel nothing because you are nothing." strength something I lack there is a fight inside of me calm against not water against fire I am both each element inside struggling to get out barely contained by my skin I am the burning oil spill a spitting flame atop a cold ocean I am the melting glacier and the boiling pot I am twisted inside I struggle to hold myself I wont let the searing heat out but I will not let go of the cold each is strong by itself but weak together I wish to be strong Who am I kidding? I will never have the strength I want I am in the dark the blackest ebony lost and cold in the heat my icy skin cracks and peels sizzling I huddle, curled there is no escape I can only look to the sky there is one great star one great love one shining glint of light that may give me hope if I let it there are others but they fall, dead I dont care for them their large craters an annoyance ... what do I care about? ... I dont know. I care about me. I care about life I care about... people I care about him I care... maybe to much. I care forgivingly I care for things that will never care for me I feel as if I am holding... everything inside. I feel torn. and alone. I feel everything but nothing. I just wanna cry, but I really need to laugh. I want both. I want to scream and yell and I want to whisper. I want to forget everything, but then I want to remember forever. I am haunted by them by the past I look hopefully to the future right now I try to my eyes hold myself I dont know whats happening. I dont know alot of things.