um i'm bored. it's saturday. i don't THINK i had any real homework that i should be worried about doing tonight.....hmmm...... yeah and i have nothing to do. this is sad. sam is like....out of it and i don't think there is anything exceptionally interesting we could do....so whatev. valentine's day is tuesday. i'm doing something for him i guess, i don't really like it because i think it's too much effort/personal-ness for one month...much less him in general. i don't think he's gonna do anything, and i don't expect him to. it's been a fucking month. what could he honestly feel the need to do? i just don't wanna feel like a complete idiot for doing something nice for him and he's just kinda like eh valentine's day is just some lame corporate thing, i'm gonna blow it off. i wouldn't blame him though i guess....but still. it's like UGGH. no matter what i do it's wrong...like....if he did something and i did nothing i'd feel bad. but i think i'd feel worse if i did something and he didn't do anything, because i'd be so tweaked about him thinking i was making some huge committment...which i'm not. but my mom gave me the worst guilt trip ever so i guess i'm doing something now. haha so much conflict. yesterday was a great day (ha not what you think), but i haven't talked to him since so i'm a little concerned....this is why i don't let myself get attatched anymore. just let me die alone. it's inevitable.