what the flipping fuck. one more year of maine endwell left to go, honestly i never pictured myself as a senior. i cant fucking wait to get out of that school. im gonna be a mess when i leave because ill have nothing prioritized but fuck it, its gotta be better than getting in trouble for a website made at home with pictures from outside of school that someone looked at in school as if its my fault and the internet isnt a freedom of speech ordeal. seriously, what the fuck. my life is slowly diminshing to nothing. i stumble out of bed, go to school and learn nothing, get in a horribly bad mood, go home and desperatly try to find someone to work for me so i can relax for 2 seconds, end up going to work pissed off cause no one can ever do me a favor, come home sore and tired and go to bed way too late cause my asshole of a boyfriend cant talk to me any earlier than 11 every night. like, where is the meaning? what am i doing this for? i fucking miss you

in case you didnt know ive moved to a new journal, radiocambodia. checkkkk check check it out.

This past year... Have your religious views gotten stronger or weaker? i can say ive probably stop caring even less than i did previously Who were your best friends? brenda of course (ew.)rachel, my mom, ivan, brion, and the past few months jessie erica and melissa have been added Name your boyfriends/girlfriends: lets not and say we did How long was each relationship? longest ive ever been in one.. and the one im currently in has been about 3 months How was January? i dont remember that far back How was February? a new beginning How was March? so much fun How was April? lost my virginity in the beginning, and by the end my life was slowly turning miserable again How was May? off and on How was June? i dont remember really How was July? good times How was August? better times How was September? fast How was October? exciting How was November? adventerous How was December? annoying How many parties did you attend? around 800 or so.. lol who keeps count? Did you get drunk for the first time? i got PLASTERED for the first time(s) Did you lose someone you love? yep Did someone have a baby? ummm i dont remember Any new friends? yes Lose any friends? yeah Who changed your year? a mixture of ivan and ryan and myself Anything you wish you could re-do? i guess What and why? its not worth it Did you lie to your parents? course Did you lie to your friends? yea Did you get lied to? yup Do you hate anyone new? yeah Does anyone knew hate you? yep :( Are you glad this year is over? i'm sad Who do you want to thank for your bad year? im not 12 Who do you want to thank for your good year? all my friends and ryan Do you think you'll keep the same friends? hopefully What is your new year resolution? i dont say them outloud or else they wont happen How many more girlfriends/boyfriends do you think you'll have? i have no idea but maybe it would be nice to find one person to have a relationship with for awhile Anything exciting happening this year? concerts, sex, alcohol, and hopefully doing a little better in school Who do you think you'll spend the most time with? i have no clue Who will you stop hanging out with? no idea Anything you hope to do this year? possssibly have a longterm boyfriend but im not sure if thats what i really want Are you gonna kiss the same person this next new year? knowing me? probably not ;)

hollering at you from florida. what you woke up to this morning: my cousin standing over me on the computer cause i slept on jarods floor cd currently in your cd player: Florida mix songs you heard today: a lottt what you had for lunch: egg salad sandwich and chips from jarods mommy :) last time you drank alcohol: a few nights ago @ jens where you went today: daytona flea market last time you kissed someone: last monday night/ early tuesday morning :) last concert you went to: warped tour in august what you can hear right now: maroon 5 what you can smell right now: weed what you're wearing: jeans and one of erics tshirts last time you drove a car: last monday night/ early tuesday morning before i left last item you purchased: lemonade last 3 people you talked to online: ryan, alex rounds, rachel last word you said outloud: fuck last friend you saw: jarod last time you partied: a few nights ago last book you read: revolution on canvas last email you recieved: jacccobb! last person you talked to on the phone: ryan last time you went on a road trip: today, everything is a road trip in florida last time you were on a plane; last tuesday current desktop: bob marley current screen saver: just black what you're doing this weekend: working saturday then hanging out with ryan what you're looking forward to: seeing ryan what you're doing when this is over: hanging out and eventually taking a shower

i voted and all you fuckers on my friends list that had to go an copy me and get a journal almost a year ago, START WRITING AGAIN :)

wicked sad because my dad had to erase everything from my computer in order to reboot it, and in the process not only did i lose all of my music and pictures that i can never get back because they were from times in my life that i dont forsee happening again, but a year and half's worth of conversations from my ex's and friends that i would read every once in awhile to remind myself that once i was a very happy person and that i would be very happy again one day. i'm so fucking sad now because i'll yet again never be able to get another group of things back.

man, a year ago this diary site was hopping. now no one updates or anything.. especially ME. shame on us. so is it october? yes it is. how the time goes by so fast these days. ive been partying like every weekend and its getting really fun. schools not too bad.. one month down, 8 more to go? homecoming was this past weekend.. friday night brenda brion bean flo & i went to a kegger in owego, but we got kicked out cause it was lammme. we got them back though :D shh.. saturday night we went to dennys for dinner, brenda brion rachel ashley bean flo & i, dropped my car off, took some shots on a side street by me, then went to the gay lame homecoming dance. left @ 10:30 and picked up chris brown from CF, then brendas friend sean came and got them and we all went to this parking lot and met up with chris & daniella to get a hotel but no one would get us one. got stoned with jimmmmy & bert! that was hilarious. broke into beans grandparents basement and had a little party, then went to a dead end off of Route 12 and continued our party. i got home at like 5 AM and had to work 11-5, sucked ass super bad. so i thought i realllly liked this guy but anymore its just become a hassle. my hearts just in a different place. :(

school started and we've been here for almost a week. classes arent too bad.. people arent too bad for the most part. i'm sad a lot but i dont show it anymore. certain things are over and rather than outwardly be upset about it, i dont even let myself know that i'm still upset about it.. if that makes sense? even though i wanted it to be and all.. i dont ever know what i really want. something incredible happened today, i want it to evolve so bad. but i actually dont get in too deep anymore, i know the outcomes of things. well i dont write anymore because my internet wont work anymore. so i have to wait until i get a chance at school. last saturday was one of the best nights i ever had. went to chris's party with bean flo & brion and i was like the 3rd drunkest person at the party. 9 double shots, 3 beers, 2 mix drinks. i was so friendly.. kissed a boy that had a girlfriend. called various people/ told various people how i feel about them. he didnt believe me. i kinda wish he did/

"its been such a long time since i've wrote" you know the cliche line everyone uses.. just an update, watched the VMA's last sunday @ rachels with brenda. worked monday 1-5, dont remember what the hell i did after. oh yeah, i went out with ivan brenda & rachel just driving around. tuesday i got ice cream @ joeys with rachel & ashley, then worked 5-9. then brenda rachel & ashley slept over and we went to walmart with bean, then justins house out in Port Dick. we went high speed racing through the streets with beans car without bean haha we did some crazzzzzy ass shit dudes, you dont even know. it was extremely scary but supposedly justin knew what he was doing. we slept at my house then i took everyone home in the morning and went back to sleep all day. wednesday i went out driving with ivan to maine and rachels house. we hung out at his house for awhile and he tried throwing me down the stairs, hes wicked cool like that you know. got eaten alive in the woods too i think i prooooooobably have west nile :) haha then i went school shopping @ American Eagle and Pacsun. ashley slept over and we went to walmart, dennys, and beans grandparents house with bean & flo. we played poker and i won like 4 hands which rocked cause it was only my first time playing. then we went to floral park and got scared of getting kicked out, then to highland park. i took ashley to practice in the morning then i had work from 1-5. after work i went to taco bell with brenda then to visit my grama. i needed one night of just being alone and doing nothing so that was last night. today i went to chenango forks to hang out with flo with ashley rachel & brenda. we went to tommys house and mcdonalds and to look at the amazing houses. not sure whats going on tonight cause ashley & rachel are at the dome for our schools first big game of the season. thats actually where everyone is haha i think they're stopping by later hopefuullyyy. school in six fucking days. where the hell did the summer go?

last night was memorable. bean and flo picked up brenda ashley and i and we went to look for the hotel party but it was nonexistant. they got pissed off because they thought we lied to them but we really didnt, and we had no where to go cause it was late and all of our parents expected us to be wherever we told them. we ended up staying at ivan's house which was so cool of him to let us do, especially since bean & flo are insane. we had a good talk for awhile and that makes me happy. when things suck between you and one of your best friends.. it pretty much throws off everything else in your life. we stayed up all night watching boiling points and taking random walks outside, getting eaten alive because he lives across from the river. bean and i shared my blanket and i got an hour of sleep until we left at 6 AM to go to denny's & walmart. once i got home at 7 ashley and i had our deep talk :) then just as i got to sleep flo calls me yelling that someone stole his wallet, but since he has down syndrome it was underneath is seat. i only slept til 11:30 then just went to my gramas and tanning & stuff. i'm absolutely exhausted and i'm going to rachels house in a little bit to watch the VMA's with brenda. work tomorrow 1-5. visit me :)

:) this summer has been so much fun. ILOVEIT! yesterday i went to friendly's with ashley rachel & brenda and we had a lot of good food which brenda and i didnt have to pay for :) that made me happy. steal food from your friends more often.. then i went shopping with my grama. got reaaaaaaaaaaaady. rachel and brenda came over and we did some shit, called some people and got pissed. bean & flo picked us up and we went out to Castle Creek to Jarrett Newby's party. lame haha it was fun to talk with alex rounds for awhile though since i havent seen him all summer. brion got soo drunk, the poor kid didnt know which end was up. he was puking his guts up and shit.. try to remember not to mix alcohol, and not to drink liquor after beer :) it was the most random party ive ever been to, the whole soccer team was there and chris carra got drunk? lmao it was hilarious. i was like my biology budddy?! hahaha. bean rachel and i left for the gas station for awhile, almost got in a few accidents, a huge bat flew over our car, and a mosquito attacked us. then rachel brenda and i just spent the night at my house. today was my first day of wooork at CVS :) i took rachel and brenda home early and got there around 9. i had to watch a video and fill out a bunch of crap, then i got to work the cash register with andy, this awesome girl that had some weird name that i dont remember haha and this cuuute kid named Nate who's like my best friend now. its gonna be such a good time working there :D then brenda rachel ashley and i went out to my BBBESST friend kyle bements house who i hadnt seen in a week :( it was cool just talking and shit. brenda and i dropped them off and we went to A&W and target to see if danko was working and met some cool Joe kid instead. went home.. then went back to target with ashley & brenda. now there here and tonight were going to a hotel party of hotphil's & QB's i believe with bean & flo, then were crashing in vacant apartment 1 in brendans building :) haha its gonna be great. payce out niggaz

so saturday was marks last night in town. he picked us up a little after midnight and we went straight to Binghamton for some last time bar hopping. the scene wasnt great, so we went into the Grand Royale to ride the elevators. stopped by the Belmar & saw Gavin, Brendan & the twins as we were leaving. i'm gonna miss that place.. it was a short night cause he had to leave early in the morning. he dropped us off at my house and we kissed and hugged goodbye, it wasnt as sad as i thought it would be. probably because he looked so happy to be leaving. sunday i didnt do like anything i dont think.. monday i hung out with my grama and ran some errands for her. hmm.. didnt do much all week actually. yesterday i started my 2 week tanning ritual before school starts, went to the bank & giant to get some money, then went to the mall to look at what i'm getting for school. went home and looked at some college shit, then went out with ashley & brenda to the giant and binghamton. OH DUH. i remember now.. wednesday brendas family and i took lorin down to Philly to drop her off at college. her campus is awesome, and i met this awesome Canadian boy who i clicked with and we stared at each other in the cafeteria :) he lives in the same apartment as Lorin too, so i'm stoked to visit her. then we saw Adam Lazzara's twin brother, and he lives in the same neighborhood so i seriously cant wait to party down there.. we're going down sometime in October. today i'm going tanning then picking up the girls to go get some lunch i believe.. tomorrow i have my first day at work at CVS, 9-1. then i'm going tanning and off to Harpersville to see Kyyyyle! :D school starts in 17 days, mixed feelings about that. its gonna be weird seeing someone everyday after i got used to not seeing them at all :(

^ rachel ^ em & rach ^ dankkko ^ hottest guy in this area, davvve tomsey :) ^ hotttttphil ^ adam, a little mad? haha ^the beeeautiful emilee ^ haha davvve ^partying ^hot boys adam & dave partying ^brion tiera flo & bean ^ beeeeean ^partying ^mike brion & tiera

har har. uh. went out with mark last time i wrote. i was absolutely EXHAUSTED. we went to binghamton to go bar hopping, witnessed a fight, got kicked out of downtown hamtons. belmar was closed. trevors in new jersey getting AIDS anyway. went to walmart and had a nice hour long talk about things. i love him so much and i cant believe hes leaving tomorrow morning. went out to lunch at Vincenzo's with ashley & brenda. bought eggs at eckerd. went down to Marks cottage in Pennsylvania and it was so nice. bought us ice cream. went home and got ready and went to Harpersville to get Kyle. went to brendas house, parents out of town. got drunk with bean flo ashley rachel emilee brion mike tommy kyle mark dave tomsey phil adam DANKO chris & tiera. brenda was so fucking tanked and it was hilarious, especially listening to her stories about how much she loves me haha. got duster @ walmart with chris at 3 AM. passed out 4 times into dave & phil. bean & chris poured hot sauce all over my face and i had to wash my hair and eyes out. huge fight with brenda. were lesbians now. went to dennys with bean tiera mike brenda & ashley. drove beans car home. emilee brought me home. slept til 4. now i think im going out with mark later. its his last night here and i think i'll end up crying.

ahhhhh hello! yesterday was the Warped Tour at Darien Lake. o m g. amazing. we got there a little late, lorin brenda jen and i, at about 1:30? so we missed Coheed :( but as we were driving in Rufio was playing :) we got pulled over on the way there for going 81 in a 65 lmao so poor lorin has a ticket to pay for just as shes leaving for college :( but despite that she had an awesome time. we went our seperate ways and brenda and i saw Alexisonfire and ended up seeing our friend from Hollister, syliva and lindsey burlingame? how random & gay is that? she looked disgusted during the entire performance. anyway Alexisonfire was amazingggggg, then we watched Allister. we're aquaintences with the band Fire When Reeady, we saw them in walmart the other night cause their from vestal. its so awesome, were friends with the roadie from The Erks too. connections, connections 8) thennn brenda watched Billy Talent & i like them and all but she was right in the pit and i dont really like being their unless its for TBS soo i waited in line for an hour and a half to get a fucking soda. they gave me a free hamburger for being patient haha and i think i was allergic to it.. but i shall write about that later. so i got back just in time and watched Fall Out Boy. we met them when we first got there and they signed our posters and they were all cool except for the bassist/ vocalist. the lead singer was so nice though. after Fall Out Boy brenda and i waited for TBS by the Teal Stage. as we were sitting by the fence Eddie from TBS was literatly 2 feet from me talking to this girl who was heel to heel with me, so just imagine how close i was :) he stared at me a few times and i didnt say anything cause he was just trying to chill out and these girls kept screaming and asking for autographs. they totally appreciate people who just are chill and dont feel the need to attack them right before their performance. the lead singer from Yellowcard walked by, and Tim from Sugarcult, and NFG. thennnn my main reason for going, TBSSS!! no one was even rocking out on the side close to the stage where brenda and i were, so Fred ended up pointing to us and smiling cause we were going crazy. then fucking adam saw us too and it was just awesome, going crazy deffffinately gets you noticed. so after they were done brenda and i were walking to the park to go on some rides and we talked to Matt from TBS and adam walked by and said hey to us. we went on the mind eraser with some small band that was playing, then we met up with jen & lorin and went over to the tour bus. none other than Adam Lazzara, Eddie Reyes, and the drummer from Fall Out BOy that we met earlier was sitting around in lawn chairs drinking. we went over and the drummer waved to me and adam goes I KNOW WHAT YOUUU GUYS WANT! and were like dude if youre busy or just trying to relax we totally understand and hes like joking around with us and shit and were telling him how amazing he is and ahhhhh for like 10 minutes we had a conversation with him while he introduced us to Eddie WHILE BRUSHING AGAINST MY SHOULDER :) we told him how we met him before and obviously we didnt expect him to remember us and hes like ahhh im the most spacey guy youll ever meet haha then he shook our hands and we passed out :) hahaha then we became friends with these 3 guys in this car that were backed up in traffic. annnnd this super hot guy in a Famous Stars & Straps van motioned us over and hit on me :) that was AWESOME. im like i love your hair and hes like i love yours too baby. wooooo hoooooo. it was sexy. the ride home was scary because my throat closed up practically all the way and i had so much trouble breathing: hence why i think i was allergic to the hamburger. i got so delerious too cause i thought at one point i was talking to Piebald about it.. uhh haha yeah so that was super scary. i'm doing better now but its midnight and im going out with mark :) sooo i will talk to everyone later :D

its been awhile, so heres an update. babysat my cousin friday night, my aunt & uncle were late getting home & drunk so it was funny. mark kyle & brenda picked me up, we did duster and went to Denny's. i think brenda went home and we probably went to kyles house for awhile. saturday i had an interview @ Eckerd in Vestal and i got the job. then my mom and i went shopping. i went home and hung out then went out to Harpersville to pick up Joeii w/ Mark, then we got Kyle and got some more duster. there was a party in Harpersville so we got there and met up with Brenda, Brion, Ashley, Bean & Flo. i did so much duster that i passed out 4 times, everyone was really worried too. i kept hearing everyone screaming above me and everyone kept having to pick me back up. i felt like a celebrity though, thats what i kept hearing in my mind. that shit is crazyyyyy. i had like 4 beers too, so i was pretty fucked up which was absolutely awesome because it hadnt been a good week. i met this awesome kid Justin, he kept obsessing over how i was his buddy. kyle and i made out while i was passed out. the party was getting lame so joeii drove us to wendys, kyles house to drop him off, then mark and i spent the night at joeii's. the next morning mark and i went to the movies to see Little Black Book and ate way too much popcorn. Popcorn + a hangover = really bad. everyone was at rachels lake that day, so i went shopping for work clothes. then brenda and i got in a fight but we ended up making up. yesterday i picked rachel & brenda up and we went to the mall to see mark. he gave me a huge kiss when i saw him and that made my day cause i was super depressed. after the mall i took rachel home, then brenda and i got into another fight on the way to her house. this one was way worse and it was horrible. i dont know what the hell it was but the past few days weve just been nagging the hell out of each other and it really sucked. i went and bought my warped tour ticket for wednesday, and then we made up and now we're promising to never fight like that again. i love her an infinite amount :) last night mark picked us up and brion & tommy breymeyer came with us to get duster @ walmart. brenda wasnt gonna do any but she ended up doing way more than she ever has and she had to go home cause she thought she was gonna die. we all did way too much and brion and i passed out about 3 times in the barnes & noble parking lot. then we got taco bell, took brenda & tommy home, and us 3 drove out to H-Ville to get Kyle. we took brion home, then went to Binghamton. i messed up my voicemail by switching it to spanish settings, but luckally kyle knew enough spanish to fix it. then we went to the Belmar, and out to kyles house to chill for awhile. i got home at like 3:30 and i slept til noon today. tonight we're all going to Chi Chi's for team trivia.. guarenteed to see Trevor which is gonna be super awkward. tomorrow is the WARPED TOUR !!!!! with lorin jen & brenda.. i'm so stoked about that. so many people we know are going to this one, like jason falcon!!!! it's gonna be awesome. i still need to scan my pictures from the last one. i'll be writing thursday sometime to let everyone know how it went :)

so the past week or so has been really awesome. i've been with Mark & Kyle alllllllllll week. during the day i hang out with rachel & ashley usually, or like yesterday i went out and found a job. so I now have a job at the CVS by Price Chopper in Endicott, i dont start for a couple of weeks though cause the college kids have to leave. and i also have an interview at the Eckerd in Vestal, and if i get that i'm not really sure what i'm gonna do yet. but nonetheless, i finally found a job(s). but everynight mark brenda and i have been driving out to Kyle's house in Harpersville, going out bar hopping, Cyber Cafe, Walmart, or just driving around. a couple of nights ago we bought duster and picked up this Andy kid from JC. i didnt do much duster cause i didnt feel like frying my brains out but brendas like addicted to it, lmao. it makes you so horny though, like you cant even imagine. and on the way back from Kyle's house i turn around and see brenda & andy making out so i guess it's a pretty good aphrodisiac. i'm so happy about Kyle though.. we've been talking for a year now and since we met about 3 weeks ago we've been inseperable. it started out with us liking each other.. but it's grown into a really awesome friendship with an occasional kiss. i have a lot of fun with him and it's so easy to be myself around him. tonight i have to babysit but then i think we're having a duster party hahaha woo hoo. i love mark so much i traded my TAKING BACK SUNDAY original shirt with him for just one of his shirts. you can imagine how much love i must have for that kid..

i'm at kyles house, save me :( just kidding I LOVE KYLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

AHHHHHHHHH, the warped tour was amazing. saw Rufio, Billy Talent, Thursday, Story of the Year, Motion City Soundtrack, Piebald, Anti-Flag, TAKING BACK SUNDAY, Yellowcard & Flogging Molly. I missed Coheed cause i was TALKING TO ADAM LAZZARA. Got the cutest picture with the drummer of Piebald, got my shirt signed by him & the bassist. Met an awesome Cali kid. Met an awesome Jersey kid. Got more sunburnt than i ever have and i love it. Went to White Castle. Went to Taco Bell. Met a TON of underground bands. Saw an overwhelming amount of hot guys. Shirtless surfer guy talked to me and loved my shirt. Absolute highlight of the summer. And only 9 days til we do it allll over again baby :)

i havent made a real entry in awhiiiile! since last weekend.. ashley came over to say bye to me saturday morning and my parents left for the city to see my brothers baseball tournament. we were gonna have a party but bean & flo were going to another one so rachel brenda and i went out with Mark bar hopping in the Hamtons and walmart and taco bell.. the usual. i also met Kyle Bement that day which is awesome since ive been talking to him for a year now and we hadnt met yet. i drove around with him for awhile in Endwell and stuff. rachel brenda and i spent the night at my house then hung out at my gramas all day. sunday we just drove around.. monday night was hilarioooous. after we went out with Mark again, brenda rach and i hung out with Chris Toress & Drew Fessadin and we bought Duster and all got high off of our asses, it was probably the stupidest thing we've ever done but at the time we didnt know how bad it was for you lmao SERIOUSLY funniest thing ever, it slows your voice down and makes it super deep. its bad but so worth the funniness. rachel and i slept like all day then went swimming. wednesday was a road trip day in my car, we harassed Brenda & Brendan at work then picked her up and went to Mr. Perricones house for awhile. The book that hes writing that I'm in is getting published so i'm super stoked :D we ended up taking his daughter out with us cause shes really cool and is obsessed with AFI haha we drove around Binghamton & Vestal and picked up Dannnnny Whitbeck, hottest & nicest kid alive. We went to Walmart and bought cookie dough then went out to eat at the Outback. thursday we went to rachels dad and hung out by the pool, then rachel and i picked my brother up from practice and brought him to some field to hang out with Timmmmy. Brenda and I went bar hopping with Mark again last night and I ended up seeing this guy that manages the Hampton Inn where I wanted to work soooo bad and i had an interview and all but i never got called back :( i talked to him for like 10 minutes and hes like call me i'll hire you and shit so i called him today and hes gonna let me know later on i guess whats going on with that. i will be so happy cause i'd be making a lot of money again and its a much better atmosphere than the Holiday Inn. i'll probably only work there for the summer cause i'm gonna try my hardest to get the job at PacSun. today i have my car so rachel brenda and i will probably go cruisin for awhile then we have to babysit my cousin Adam tonight so i can get money for WARPED TOUR on SUNNNDAYYYY 8) later kiddos