overdosed on apathy//

so.. the party? it was fun at first. brenda brion lorin and i drank half the bottle of my absolut vodka within an hour and we were pretty buzzed. emilee adrienne and amy got in about 12:30ish and we drank some more but then i just started feeling like complete SHIT. i smoked a ciggarette and that made me feel worse. sometimes i think i do these things just to prove to myself that i can? i feel like shit. i feel out of place. but at the same time i feel pretty damn apathetic. Flo & Bean from Chenango Forks are here, there hella chill. Bean was cracking me up. amy and i cleaned up a bit, theres beer cans everywhere. brenda is totally different when she's drunk. i just get so mellow and everyone was saying "wow you must not have drank" and i'm like just because i'm not flying out of the windows doesn't mean i'm not drunk or whatever. as if people don't have different reactions to things. i don't know but i don't really like brenda like this. i don't think i'll be doing this again. for a long time. call me pathetic but i'm not cut out for the whole party atmosphere. brenda thinks i'm mad at her but I AM NOT. i get seperated when i feel uncomfortable. so when you're sober and reading this, you know i love you and man you show way more affection towards me when you're drunk, haha.
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hitchhike to vegas!!
*dum dum di dum* i can hear the wedding bells now :D
-julia