letter for zoe no1 Before we became friends I was a complete mess and you know that.... I was suicidal .... i didn't care if i hurt myself or how.... but you brought me up out of that... you made me feel like no matter what you would always care and it was a great feeling...sumthing i hadn't felt in a long time. Within the past few weeks though you have been becoming more distant and less open with me... maybe its because you have others to worry about, i can't be for certain but i am slowly seeing you get yourself deeper and deeper into this mess and im afraid eventually there will be no turning back for you.. i love you like my sister and i dont want you to get hurt and its killing me inside to be sitting on the sidelines watching this happen to you and not being able to do anything about it. and with every day that goes by lately i am slowly slippin back into my depression.... i can't even look at myself int he mirror without crying and thinking no one cares again... maybe its because we became so distant or maybe it was just me dying.... it could even be me n my mum... no its everything ... its piling up on me and i have no one to talk to... you were my lifeline and now your gone ... and i know its not fair to put this on you and im not trying to i just want you to know that i need you right now... maybe more than ever.... you are the only person left that makes me feel like everything is okay .... i mean my nan is gone and slowly im going too.... I need you now more then ever... deep down i feel like i wont be able to survive unless I have someone to talk to and someone who I am 100% sure cares and I know u have your own life and it’s a busy one but im just asking for that half an hour or hour at the end of the day you used to giv me so we could talk about how we were and let our our anger and sadness…I miss you telling me it will be ok…. Everytime I try to talk to you now you just say mm-hmmmm and yeah like you don’t want to talk and it hurtz…maybe you don’t know because im not showing it on the outside but on the inside it really does hurt…….you are the first person I have ever let myself trust and love in a while..i was so scared to let someone wether they was a friend like you or a boyfriend type like brad into my life and i eventually let you both in and now i am loosing you at the same time and it is just destroying me... and its not your fault... i know you would never do anything to hurt me or upset me unless i was introuble and needed a wake up call or sumthing but thats not the case and i just am having a hard time dealing with everything.... i love you and i know we have been friends for a short time but these last few months have made me feel so close to you and u have come to mean alot to me.... i would give anything up in a heartbeat for you that is how much you meant o me but then again you really dont know how much brad means to me cuz we haven't talked im just hopeing somehow someway i make it thru this and our friendship stays alive.... if i loose you i have lost everything... please dont push me away ... i love you and im here for you thru thick and thin love always..... letter for zoe no2 I rember the first time I went on sitDiary and I rember looking at ur comment as though u were just like all the rest of them. But then I discovered something more. I discovered you and since that strange coincidence my life has been twisted up stretched out pushed around torn apart. And evrytime that happened. You always helped me to pick up the pieces of shattered glass. Even if they were cutting into your hands and slicing your veins opoen.You helped me to pick up the big parts of my life and put them into perspective. I have never respected someone so much.I have never loved anyone so much. Since I looked at ur comment. Since I read your diary. Since I left you comments. Since I talk to you on msn. I have learned to trust and learned to love not only you…but . sometimes (even if it is only a little) myself You will never know just what you mean to me..because no words or actions could ever describe my feelings for you. With my every heart beat my thoughts are still untangling the mystery of meeting the most amazing person that I could. My thoughts are still doing reality checks and checking im not dreaming. My heart beats for you. Every beat is for you. YOU. And only you. I wish you understood. I wish you only knew a mere fraction of impact that you have had on my life. But you will never know. I love you more than any words could ever tell you. xxx