Today has been just terrible. I dont think that since the day i discovered drugs i have ver gone a day without SOMETHING. Anything. I have cleared out the medicine cabinet. There is nothing left in there. Since I am on 10 crushed a snorted ritalin tablets a day, my prescription is now run out until a few weeks when my new one is due. And without the ritalin i need something else. Some speed. Some coke. A few joints -which i smoke like cigarettes- anything. just anything. just please give me something to keep me sane. last night i went to sleep knowing that i was without anything even mildly intoxicating. and this morning i woke up knowing that i again had nothing. so the first thing i did was call some friends. ask them if they had anything. just fucking anything. paracetamol -anything that i can snort or smoke or swallow or rub in my gums. And upon discovering that none of my contacts and none of my friends had anything and that there was a complete drought I went completeley insane. I spent most of today turning my bedroom upside down and inside out in hopes of finding something to intoxicate myself with. But i had no hope. I then paced my room for around an hour. tearing at my hair and picking at my skin with tweezers. I then sat in an empty bath tub slicing up my wrists. And here i am. In floods of tears. My brain is just screaming for something to comfort it. to cradle it. to make it feel that little bit better. -Today. I realised that I was an addict-