i feel so empty right now. I went to see my nan yesterday and she is dying. My mum is beating me again and using her dying mother as an exuse to beat her daughter. She says that i get in the way and that she needs to take her anger and hurt out on someone. So she takes it out on me. I looked in the mirror this morning only to see another bruise. A purple and slightly blue, bruise around my left eye. A small scratch on my right cheek and a bruise on my left thigh. A bump on my head. All result of my mum needing to vent. So she beat up her 15 year old daughter who is losing her nan. Its hard for me aswell. But my drunken mother likes to think she is the only victim. I have been praying for my nan. Im a 'christian' and i used to go to church but recently i have stopped. I feel like the big man in the sky is ripping apart of me away. A very special woman in my life who i think of as my mum is being taken away. Why does he have to take her away. She is too special to go. She doesnt deserve to go. There are murderers and rapists out there that are still alive, and he is taking away a lady who has never harmed anyone in her life. I feel like i need to cut myself but i dont want my nan to be dissapointed in me. Not like im not a failure anyway. I hate myself i wish i could just go and hide. Im going now for a walk. I need some drugs.