Well it's been a while. Things havent been easy. Ive realised how much I actually hate being sober now. If im not fucked up on drugs then I cant face reality. Im 17. Just listen to me for fucks sake. Im 17and im ADDICTED to cocaine. Fuck. So my dad went to Cuba for a week [got back yesterday morning]. He saw his arse when he got back though...fair play to him because we had a week long party while he was away and practically everything was broken and I didnt clean up and I didnt lock the house up because I was too high to care. As im typing this im shaking. Thats from all the beak last night. Probably the most amazing beak ive ever tried. Fuck it was good. Come down is terrible though. So me and Brad have been fucking. Before I lead him on to thinking were going out or something then I need to tell him what I really feel, and what I really feel is Love BUT I do NOT want a relationship ever again. Ever. Hmmm not much more needs saying I dont suppose. Fucked my arms up from cutting. Fucked my nose up from snorting. Fucked everything up pretty much...Nothing new. Probably wont hear from me for a while. I only remember to come on here when im clean. After a binge usually. When im on a come down. I find talking on this thing theraputic for some reason. But really I just want to go to bed and/or find a corner and curl up and die.