It really is a shitty feeling, no details, Suffering is optional. I will not suffer, But I am hurt. Why dose it matter tho? It dosent. It is ok to be hurt but don't let that feeling linger.
Today was bad, whenI got home last night it was bad, I can scream and yell all I want at Tyler but when I look into his eyes and see the pain I break. I dont want to hurt anyone I have been hurt too much to do that to another person, atually I was hurt the other day by someone I thought was a good person, wrong again, I know how it feels to have nothing to life for, I know how it feels to care about so much it hurts, and know that they can cause so much pain to you when you feel that way.
Deep down I am not a cold hearted jaded person, I care deeply for my friends and family but I can not deal with bullshit, i wont do that to myself, no matter how much I care for the person, I rather walk away than let them hurt me again. It hurts either way and it is hard to not talk to them and its hard to stay friends with them knowing what they did and knowing they dont care. I am fine now I just need to write, this is how i let my emotions out, What I say in these entrys no one else knows, i share this with very few friends but not to this level of depth, some friends can read these entrys, and as for all you strangers I dont care, maybe I want some advice, or maybe i hope with shareing my stories i am letting other people know they are not alone, somoene else out there probably feels how i do,
Last night when i came home Tyler and i got into a huge fight screming at each other, he makes me feel like i am the bad person, after all the pain he caused me, i cant keep doing this someone something needs to change, i hate doing this but i need help but i have no one to go too, i am reaching the end of my rope, i dont love him i dont want to hurt him anymore i just want him to go,
WHY IS THIS SO HARD, i dont need a boyfriend I want to meet someone some day who is not going to used me and treat me like shit, its amazing how some guys can do this to girls that like them a lot when they themself get hurt when the girls they like dose it to them. it is low it is shallow but its life, the turth hurts but you got to just get over it.