'Only problem is, people want perfection. I want you to love me, and hold me in your arms forever. You want me to be yours, and never stray.

But, is just doesn't work like that. This isn't human biology, it's airytale fantasy. It's upsetting, but true. Goddamnit.

I've never really been able to accept something, unless i know the full reason for it. This has got me into a lot of trouble over my years, manily with "authority figures" who see themselves above me, and use this as an excuse to perform otherwise questionable actions.

I guess it all started when i really noticed how different i was from all the other kids. They didn't make wierd face movements and involantary head jerks. I got told off for it a lot, but, thankfully, never picked on. If i was, i've repressed it, and so don't remember. Not that i'd remember it anyway, but all the same...

And then, when i started to feel really really bad inside myself, for no reason. I mean, i could see my life was good and stuff, but i felt lost and empty.

Then, i started getting the urge to hurt myself, and even, occasionally, the urge to kill myself.

I also wondered why i couldn't pay attention; why everybody else seemed to be able to at least put effort into interest, yet i lacked completely any sort of interest altogether.

And the obssesions, and the feeling and sniffing stuff...

Damn, that's a lot, and i feel like i'm barely touching the tip of the iceberg.

So, there're a couple of reasons why i feel the need to explain everything. Basically, because, an inquisitive nature has developed in me; now, when people ask "what's with all the spitting*?" I can say, "Tourette's Syndrome. It's basically involantary "tics"; actions on impulse that "have" to be let out, else i feel like my head shall explode."

[*i've recently overcome this one]

Or, if they say, "why can't you pay attention??" I can say, "i have Attention Deficit Disorder, which basically means, my attention span is physiologically impaired".

I've also been disgnosed with OCD, but i know very little about this.