I seriously thought i was done with this.

Today i woke up beside a gorgeous girl, we fooled around then held each other, and i couldn't have been more relaxed. Tonight, i went to see Hadouken perform in Lancaster library, one of the few gigs i've seen and one of my favourite groups. It couldn't have gone better. Before i came back to my room, i cuddled that same girl for ages, and felt so secure, wanted and safe. How should i feel now? When i get to see her againa in just a few hours, i get to go home soon for x-mas, my room is warm and i know i'm gonna do well for my exam in a few days, how am i feeling right now? I'm well liked, funny and intelligent, creative and spontaneous, got everything going for me. Second year uni student and most definitely the capacity for a high degree mark. I love people, i love life, i love living. So how do i feel right now?

Horribly, horribly sad. I feel as though there's a whole inside me sucking out all the good.

Then happy, amazingly elated, positive and good.

The relaxed, then indifferent, then numb. Than bad again. All the time.

I don't wanna write this but i think i need to. Despite everything, i keep feeling sad. Really sad. But then it goes away and i'm ok again, and i'm up. When i'm up i feel optimistic, positively empathetic and appreciate everything in the world, all the things people do, all the good of mankind, and all the pleasant qualities in my friends. I feel energised, enthusiastic, chirpy and powerful. I can talk for ages, truly listening with genuine interest because i'm so excited by what the other person's saying to me.

When i come down, which is almost always without warning, i feel worthless, empty and tearful, and can only see the negative in everything. I have no energy, i'm incredibly irritable and aggressive, and when i snap at someone all i want to do is hurt them. And i do.

Mostly i feel a mix, in an excess of emotion. I feel like i could burst with feelings, cry with joy or sob with sadness. I'm very volatile.