This is the fourth re-write for this entry.

I'm currently homeless.

My mother has kicked me because, she says, she "doesn't wanna lose what we have" between us. She's says kicking me out because she fucking cares.

I'm at my dad's place. Everybody knows i'd still be back there, back at mum's house, if i couldn't have come here. If i couldn't come here, my mother would be FORCED to resolve this. Instead, she'd rather dispose of what she sees as a problem; even if that means throughing her own son out with no where stable to go to.

I've forgotten about all this other stuff i've written, so fuck all that. It's no longer at all important. Yes, i was furious that this sonofabitch* was fucking with my mum and my siblings (my younger brother in particular), and that truely pissed me off. But i don't actually care. I've learnt that when i care, things like this happen.

*The Newest: see previous posts 'shithead-1' and 'shithead-2'.

I'm s'posed to start counselling again. My mother honestly believes i need to do MORE counselling. I've NEVER wanted to do counselling. The last person who coulselled me told me to stop coming because there was no problem that she could see. So, either my mother is the only one who sees this enormous problem, or there's a significant problem with her, and she's too stubborn to admit it.

So i'm homeless. Does this mean i'm actually in a bad situation now? Now that my mother's shed my blood, bit and scratched me 'cause i held her back off of me, not that her finance put his hands around my throat? Not to my mother, no. It will all pass over, everything will be ok. Because if she throws me out, i can go to my fathers. If i can't find a place, his landlord will find christ and let me stay there. If the landlord doesn't undergo a mircale personality change, the super-duper effieciency of the gorvernment system will no doubt sort me out! It's all a big joke to this woman. It's like some dream that she seems to think she can just wake up from whenever she wants. If my mother was being at all down to earth, she wouldn't have made me homeless; she'd have coped with me for the final 5 weeks of my schooling, then helped me find a place of my own.

I'm angry at myself, though, as always. I can never stay angry at anybody else. If she fucks up, i give her an excuse. I know this is going a little off topic, but i want to say this. I still can't hold a grudge. I always stay strong. And it's agonizing. I cant cry because i have to be there for my girlfriend, who's going through a stressful time as her boyfriend is currently homeless, and my mother, who's son has got far too difficult to handle and has had to be boted out of the household. I'm so tired of it.

Edited 24 March 2005, 08:45pm

Edited 30 March 2005, 02:00am